A Quiet Kind of Kid

Now with four kids of my own—each of which have various introvert tendencies—I sometimes cringe at the expectations that are placed on them as students because of this embrace of extroversion. For example, in school, students are constantly giving presentations in front of the class, collaborating with other students on projects and building things as a team.

When a child doesn’t conform to the extrovertness of the classroom, teachers become alarmed. For instance, when my youngest child was in a four-year-old preschool class, the teacher told me during the fall parent-teacher conference that she was a little concerned because he liked to play by himself. Not that he wouldn’t play with others—he was more than willing to have others join in with what he was doing—but that he didn’t seek others out during free play time.

To me, his willingness to play by himself was a wonderful thing. But to the preschool teacher, it raised alarm bells because of the emphasis on team work and group activities, as part of the overall push for extroverts. I reassured the teacher that as the youngest, he probably enjoyed having some time to himself, and all was well the rest of the year.

We see this played out in schools across the country—kids who enjoy their own company and thoughts are pushed and pulled to be more extrovert in their actions and friendships. Kids who forty or more years ago would have been seen as shy but okay, now have to explain to well-meaning adults that they are not loners but simply introverts.