When Is It Okay to Tell a Woman She’s in Great Shape?

Pinkies out, everybody! It’s time for Manners Matters with the Marchioness of Manners, Mary Pezzulo! Today, we’re going to answer an age-old question which has been all over the news lately: When is it okay to tell a woman “you’re in such good shape?”

Is the woman your wife? Has she been working out a lot lately? And did she just burst into tears and declare that she still wasn’t in shape? Go right ahead. You’d be a brute not to.

Are you the woman’s personal trainer? Are you in an actual training session? Did she ask if she was in good shape? Can you answer yes with honesty? Then do so. If not, break it to her with kindness and encouragement.

Are you, yourself, female, and is she your best girl friend who’s just collapsed into your arms after running her very first marathon? You may, but “You did it!” and “You’re a freakin’ BEAST!” are also appropriate.

Are you the designated sexually nonthreatening older male character in a chick flick? Are you certain that you are really that character, instead of the one who turns out to be a creeper later? You can say it. Half the time she’ll throw wine at you and give you a lecture on empowerment, but you can say it.

Is she a total stranger walking past the construction site where you work, or is she walking down a city street beside the car in which you are waiting at the light? You may not under any circumstances. I don’t care if you think it’s a compliment. It’s not. I don’t care if the ladies usually seem to like it when you do that. We don’t. We wait until you’re out of earshot and then we make fun of you. Some of us will do it to your face as well.

Is she the wife of a head of state your country would like to impress? If she is, you may not under any circumstances– unless, of course, she takes off her jacket and starts flexing her guns at the dinner table. Then you may– though you’re better off just smiling and raising your wine glass. On no account should you flex your own guns back at her unless the hostess of the party has already begun to do so herself. Never go so far as to remove your shirt so that people may admire your pecs as well, at least not until after dinner. Always admire the guns of the woman to your direct left, except in Great Britain and the United States where the woman on the right is the correct choice.

Is she famous in the news for being married to a man much younger than she? No, you may never say such a thing.

Are you a powerful man with a nasty sexual past, seven years older than she is, married and extremely unattractive to boot? No. No, you may not. I don’t care if she has “say I’m in good shape” tattooed on her forehead in English. Just put a sock in it, Mr. President. You have no class.

I hope this clears up any questions.

(image via Pixabay)