Walk up to them calmly and say “are you okay?” or “Hello, I just wondered if you’re okay?” or “Hello, I’m so-and-so, would you like some help?” in a friendly voice. The friendly voice is important. If you look like you’re scared or judging them, they’re liable to panic even more.
And what you do next will depend on what they say or don’t say. If they’re having a seizure, they won’t say anything. They’ll go ahead and keep having a seizure and you should keep people back, make sure the person having a seizure doesn’t fall on anything hard, don’t try to stuff a spoon in their mouth or anything stupid like that. They’re not going to swallow their tongue, I promise. That’s an old wive’s tail. Time the seizure as best you can and call 911. If they’re having an asthma attack, maybe they’ll gasp as much to you and you can help them with their inhaler if they ask for help– or, if the don’t have an inhaler or it doesn’t work and they’re turning blue or passing out, call 911 and stay with them until help arrives. If they say “I have a chronic pain disorder and my medication hasn’t started working yet,” you can say “I’m so sorry, would you like me to get you anything or for someone to sit with you until you’re better?” or maybe offer them the icy hot patch you keep in your purse or something like that. If they say they think they’re having a heart attack, call 911 and stay with them until help arrives. If they indicate that they’re choking, encourage them to cough it up, or if it’s gone beyond that point give them the Heimlich maneuver or call 911 if you don’t know how and the person who answers will walk you through the Heimlich maneuver.
Or maybe they’ll say “I’m having a panic attack.” Or they’ll say “I’m just so scared and I don’t know why” or “Looking over that ledge made me panic and I can’t stop” and you’ll realize it’s probably a panic attack.
If they say that, here’s what you can do.
Keep talking to them. Talk calmly and use gentle, simple, direct sentences. If you’re outside or in a crowded public place, verbally offer to help them find a quiet place to sit down. If they’re still near the thing that triggered the panic, offer to help them away from it. Reassure them that even though it feels like a nightmare, there is no danger here and it will be over soon. Offer to guide them through some deep breathing or stretching exercises to help them relax.
Remember that they are having a massively disconcerting episode which is not a result of weakness or bad character. Be patient and gentle. Don’t bootstrap them or shame them. They cannot help it and barking orders will not make them snap out of it faster.
Say “may I touch you?” and if they say “no,” take “no” for an answer. Some people are comforted by a hug, hand-holding or a hand on the shoulder when they’re panicking, but forced or unexpected touch almost always make things worse. If they say “yes” but later say “let go of me,” LET GO OF THEM. It’s normal to not know exactly what you want when you’re having a panic attack, and it’s normal to not be able to express your wants calmly.
Stay with them until it’s over unless they ask for time alone to finish calming down.
It’s common sense, really.
Don’t believe sketchy and abusive-sounding advice just because you read it on the internet.
Though, I do hope people believe this.
(image via Pixabay)
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