I failed to go to Mass again this weekend. I actually wanted to go to Mass. I miss it. I thought the week before Lent starts might be a good time to go back. I hate the Diocese of Steubenville and all the traumatic memories, but until we can get the car fixed there’s no other place to go. So I was going to go. I had my good clothes and my makeup on. Our ride was almost here. And then... Read more
Everybody’s talking about mental health right now, and that’s a good thing. I think the current social media discourse began when Senator Fetterman checked himself into a hospital for treatment for his depression. I like the Fettermans a lot, and I wish them all the best. I’m proud of them for being so open about John’s struggles. When famous people are honest about such things, it can help erase stigma and encourage others to speak up. I hope he gets... Read more
  There was a sink hole in the side yard. We didn’t know about this until an old crack in the basement wall erupted mud, and we called the landlord. The handyman he sent over examined the mud and the hole, and he examined the side of our house. He found the round pit equal in size to the pile of mud in the basement, and he looked up and saw the leak in the gutter which had caused... Read more
 Nothing ever happens at a convenient time. In the middle of last week, a puppy came to live with The Lost Girl’s family. A neighbor brought her a puppy nobody wanted, a weak and quiet female dog that had been starved and neglected until her ribs were jutting painfully. The Lost Girl had said that the children could not have a puppy until she had more money. She still only had her job at the fast food restaurant. Her abusive... Read more
 I want to say a word on the catastrophe unfolding in East Palestine. In case you haven’t heard, last Friday, there was a major environmental disaster in East Palestine, Ohio– a small town about an hour north of me up Route Seven. A train carrying chemicals including vinyl chloride, ethylene glycol monobutyl ether, ethylhexyl acrylate and isobutylenede de-railed in the small town, and those chemicals caught fire. The fire burned for days. Residents within a mile of the fire... Read more
 Sunday, and the day before, continue to be a problem. I tried again to go to church– just a moment ago, actually. Michael and Adrienne were getting ready to go to the vigil Mass, the only Mass where you can take a bus to get there since the Steubenville buses don’t run on Sundays. I wanted to go as well, just to see if I could. I hopped into one of my frumpy modest skirts and a pair of... Read more
 Sicut cervus desiderat ad fontes aquarum,ita desiderat anima mea ad te, Deus. Like the hart longs for the flowing streams, so my heart longs for you, O God. I haven’t been saying my prayers very much lately, but I want to be. The other night I tried to picture God so I could talk to Him, and all I could imagine was a dying hart. Prayer hurts so badly. I don’t even know why the religious trauma is coming... Read more
February is the worst month. February is the month that goes on forever. February is the month in which it seems least likely that winter could ever give way to spring. Surely winter goes on forever without end. Spring is a myth made up by silly people who still believe in miracles. The real state of the world is a grim dark February, without hope of escape. That’s how it seems to me every year. Every year I get so... Read more
 Her name wasn’t really Francine McIntosh. That’s a pseudonym used in the transcripts of the recording of a speech given to the Word of God Covenant Community in Ann Arbor, Michigan, by its leaders,  Steve Clark, Jim Cavnar, and Ralph Martin. I don’t know what this woman’s name really is. I have nothing to do with this story except that I read it, after I’d escaped the Charismatic Renewal, and I can’t get it out of my head. A... Read more
It’s a rough February, as all Februaries are, but I’ve been passing the time by imagining a room made of sunflowers. This is an idea I discovered while staring at online seed catalogs and trying not to go crazy. My veteran readers know that I’m always crazy, but especially in February. I cannot abide February. I love bright color and beautiful things, but there’s none of that to be had in Steubenville in February. The sun rarely shines and it’s... Read more
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