Panicked Trump Wants Mueller to Interview People not Involved in the Russia Probe

Add “federal investigations” to the long and ever-growing list of things Donald Trump is utterly clueless about.

He spent his Monday morning “executive time” in an all-too-familiar Twitter rage, spitting the usual bile about special counsel Robert Mueller and the Russia probe.

I mean, sure, there’s a lot going on.

On Monday, former Trump foreign policy campaign aide, George Papadopoulos, also known as the “low-level coffee boy,” was set to report to authorities and begin his two week sentence for lying to the feds about his contacts with Joseph Mifsud.

Mifsud is a professor who is alleged to have Russian contacts. He connected Papadopoulos with a woman claiming to be the niece of Russian President (and every day Trump man-crush) Vladimir Putin.

Mr. Papadopolous tweeted Monday, “Still can’t believe the day I am going to a federal prison camp, mainstream media says am going for my Russia contacts. I have never met a single Russian official in my life. I have, however, met many western intel sources—Joseph Mifsud—who people still call ‘Russian.’ Facts. USA.”

Here’s the thing: You THOUGHT you were making Russian contacts, and that by making Russian contacts, you’d be helping out your candidate, Donald Trump. Then you lied about it to federal authorities, Bright Eyes. That’s why you’ll spend the next 14 days trying not to drop the soap in a prison shower.

If you didn’t think you’d done anything wrong, there would have been no reason to lie, would there?

Of course he knew he was doing something underhanded. It was his drunken braggadocio at a bar to an Australian diplomat that turned the gaze of authorities his way.

Meanwhile, Papadopoulos wasn’t anywhere near the slowest wit on the Trump campaign team.

President Trump may be particularly ramped up today because of the words of famed legal mind, Alan Dershowitz.

On Sunday, Dershowitz expressed his belief that once Robert Mueller and his team release the final report on Russian interference in the 2016 election, that it would be “devastating” to Trump, politically, but that he doubted there would be anything that would put him in any sort of legal peril.

Apparently, that’s enough to set Trump off.

From his golden throne, the panicked mountebank began his rager.

“When Mueller does his final report, will he be covering all of his conflicts of interest in a preamble, will he be recommending action on all of the crimes of many kinds from those ‘on the other side’(whatever happened to Podesta?), and will he be putting in statements from hundreds of people closely involved with my campaign who never met, saw or spoke to a Russian during this period?” the president tweeted.

He added, “So many campaign workers, people inside from the beginning, ask me why they have not been called (they want to be). There was NO Collusion & Mueller knows it!”

Ok. For starters, if they don’t know anything about the specific incidents that Mueller is investigating, why would he bog down his work by just speaking with random people?

Everyone Mueller and his team have spoken with, it has been for a reason. What Trump is suggesting would be pointless, time-consuming, and financially unwise.

OH – and about Trump’s “What about…?” mewlings:

Earlier this year, Mr. Mueller referred to federal prosecutors in New York possible action on Democratic lobbyist Tony Podesta, brother of former Hillary Clinton campaign chairman John Podesta, for failing to register his work supporting the Ukrainian government.

Happy now?

Just kidding. I know Trump doesn’t care as much about what happens to Podesta as he does the possibility that federal authorities might have something ruinous on him. That’s all just a distraction.

He’s lived his whole life managing to skirt trouble – first with his daddy’s money, and then through a series of arrangements with likewise sleazy friends. Knowing this may be one net he can’t just walk out of is bound to cause some panicky outbursts, right?