Many people in deconstruction circles warn of deconstructing too far. Just like reliion, they are not sure exactly what they’re afraid of, but to go further than where they went seems dangerous to them. They assume, if we go too far we will have “nothing left.”
To make a long story short, I have gone further than many in my deconstruction and I have many friends that have done the same and all I can do is take an inventory of where I actually am and evaluate whether it’s good or bad whether it’s enough.
Here is what’s left.
1. I have an enduring peace.
While I was in organized religion, we talked about peace a lot, but I never really, really really felt it. At peace throughout my deconstruction, even when I had to face difficult times. The peace is not in certainty, but It is peace through the uncertainty.
2. I found true healing.
Organized religion promised this but never really delivered it. With the shackles of religion removed, I could go inside and face the darkness there. I did shadow work, therapy, and spent time in solitude. The church really never had time for my grief, but it was good at bypassing it. Now I have less triggers, more contentment and a better quality of life.
3. My practices are better.
Just because a practice is ancient doesn’t make it better. My practice is now are much simpler, way deeper, unless demanding of my time. All I can tell you is that they are effective and I look forward to practicing without the need for a lot of props, buildings, or clergy.
4. I don’t need idols.
Just because the Bible is useful and religious services can be intoxicating, doesn’t it anyway mean they are necessary. I can find a holy book or holy books useful, but they don’t have to become necessary. There is not a specific time in history, or specific place, or specific person that matters more than the rest of the universe.
Wisdom comes from many places, at many times, and doesn’t require a special person.
4. Everything I need is inside.
Like Jesus said, the kingdom of God is within us. Everything we need can be found at the core of our being. God is in everything and isn’t like we have imagined. But the picture is very clear when we trust ourselves and are knowing by going inside.
5. The Fear is Gone
Because I understand and have experienced shadow work, I no longer believe in the literal Satan or hell, so most of my fears have been eradicated. I certainly don’t let them drive my spiritual experience. I have realistic fears about realistic things, but my practices help me navigate those and fear doesn’t rule my life.
6. I am authentic
By discovering my true self, I understand not only what I believe, but what I feel and what I want and what I need. Need. It’s so much more clear than it was before when I was trying to hit some kind of moving target. When I know myself, I know God. It’s as simple as that.
7. I am present
Occasional visits to the past are helpful to heal, and some planning needs to be done for the future, but mostly I am able to be present where I am. Am. It helps so much to accept things as they are and be grateful. It doesn’t mean we can’t have positive intentions, but our doing never means more than our being. I AM and that is exactly enough.
I can’t tell anyone else how far to deconstruct. But maybe a helpful suggestion is to focus on evolving. Unravel the beliefs you need to unravel and then start evolving. As we evolve, the things that are unnecessary become apparent and we can let them fall off.
The biggest one for me was releasing the shackles of organized religion. When I did that and accepted it, many other things fell into place.
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Be where you are
Be who you are
Karl Forehand
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