Good Questions – Are Patriarchal Systems Effective?

Good Questions – Are Patriarchal Systems Effective? January 29, 2025

Photo by Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz

Patriarchy encourages men to accept male privilege

and perpetuate women’s oppression”.

~Allan G. Johnson

 At times, we question the effectiveness of systems based on their immediate results and the identity of the individual asking. For example, corporal punishment produces immediate outcomes because a significantly stronger adult can easily dominate children. It forces them into submission and somewhat relieves the immediate situation. This practice addresses the pressing issue of misbehavior by instilling fear and coercion. While it delivers quick results, it also has long-term effects that can be detrimental as the child matures into adulthood.

As with many things, we often choose the easier route than the more difficult, life-giving choices. Punishing a child to regulate a situation is easier because we, as adults, are stronger than children. It’s easier for men to dominate women also because they are stronger and have been privileged to be the recognized leaders of families, corporations, and countries for a long time. But just because we have done something for a long time, and even if it gets immediate results, it doesn’t mean that these systems are effective or the best for the future

In my denomination of origin, the Southern Baptist Convention, we believed that men should be recognized as leaders in both the home and the church, ordained by God for this role, and qualified to lead—even when they were not. This flawed assumption caused significant harm to families and trauma for church members, as the narcissistic leaders of a church or family behaved more like toddlers waddling around sanctuaries and homes, creating chaos. During my time as a law enforcement dispatcher, I was struck by the number of domestic violence calls, referred to as disturbances, that we received. This was, by far, the most common occurrence.

I don’t know how we move past the fact that most men are physically stronger. Their traits often appear more intimidating than those of their female counterparts, making it easier for them to instill fear. However, these factors shouldn’t dictate our actions. We don’t live in caves anymore or encounter wild animals every day. Even those who choose farming as a career are not hunter-gatherers as they once were.

 The Patriarchy We Experience

In the United States, we take great pride in our democracy, much like how our congregational churches make decisions collectively. This practice allows us to voice our opinions about the workings of both our churches and government. We rely on our representatives, including our pastors and legislators, to advocate for our interests. It is crucial for these organizations that we maintain the authority to dismiss a pastor or elect a new legislator, ensuring they remain transparent and genuinely represent all of us.

What affected me most while reexamining my faith after two decades of pastoring was the profound realization of aspects I had overlooked during that time. My intentions weren’t malicious; my limited understanding and privilege as a man clouded my perspective. I failed to recognize fundamental truths that others, shaped by different experiences, understood well. The patriarchy lacked the motivation to confront issues of gender equality, social injustice, and narrow viewpoints because they did not perceive the reality that those affected were acutely aware of.

I didn’t see myself as a racist, but that doesn’t mean I was unaware of the daily experiences of people of color and others from different backgrounds. I acknowledged that I didn’t fully understand women, yet it felt more like a joke than a sincere effort to comprehend what women endure. We didn’t welcome diverse opinions or perspectives because they disrupted our weekly business processes. Our lack of appreciation for diversity resulted in the separation and segregation of individuals based on their race, preferences, and circumstances.

But the important thing I later learned from a woman was that the patriarchy was not only harming women and minorities; it was also harming me. I acted with confidence based on a limited perspective of the world. I navigated through life and shaped my belief system with a very narrow understanding, which likely caused harm and restricted my ability to truly offer hope and love to my neighbor effectively.

 A Better Way

Amid the turmoil of our latest election, a poignant example of wisdom emerged. The new administration is determined to establish a strict form of patriarchy, dismissing any viewpoints outside their narrow ideology. They aren’t even pretending to uphold democracy; instead, they are pursuing a theocracy that enforces their specific beliefs. Yet, before the inaugural celebrations concluded, a female Episcopal priest confronted the administration, urging them to avoid being controlling, indifferent, or coercive. She called on them to embrace Jesus’s challenge: to show mercy to the “least of these.”

When everyone’s emotions are calmer, and we all assess the events of our recent past, I believe we will see this challenge as the most significant words that were spoken. Even though I no longer consider myself a Christian, I cannot disagree with her because I know what the Christian scriptures say. The appeal for mercy is much harder to enact but is also one of the most effective ways to be a good person.

Recognize that the timeless concepts of love, mercy, compassion, and justice are far easier to talk about than to put into practice. Applying these principles requires time, patience, and a dedication to valuing the future over immediate satisfaction. It involves caring for others while collaborating for the greater good of all people.

If you listen closely, you might hear the death rattle of the patriarchy and the misguided notion of a theocracy. But make no mistake about it: doing what is right is seldom easy. We must work together to resist those who offer simple solutions to complex problems. We must collaborate against our instinctual urge for a strong man to vanquish our fabricated enemies and imagined adversaries. We must stop electing, voting for, and supporting those who entertain us with their extremism. It’s not a “reality show.” It’s real life, and it has consequences!

Keep asking good questions!

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Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward,  Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity.  He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community.  He is married to his wife Laura of 35 years and has one dog named Winston.  His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.

 


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