Marriage Under Pressure Marriage Under Pressure

“Love at First Fight” Photo Credit: Dena Dyer, Crosswalk

Marriage Under Pressure

When you have a marriage under pressure, little things turn into bigger things, a spat becomes a fight, and both parties feel the need to win. This is Part 6 of “7 Steps To A Healthy Marriage.” When a young couple starts, they are often amazed at the number of things they have in common. Perhaps it’s their taste in music, cuisine, hiking, or reading a particular genre of books. Over time though, the couple begins to notice their differences. They are usually little things like leaving the butter knife on the counter in the morning or tossing a coat on the sofa instead of hanging it up. Eventually, other differences can arise, like financial strategy and priorities, issues with in-laws, mood swings, sexual concerns, and fights can develop,

Marriage Under Pressure – 4 Main Styles of Communication

There can be logical reasons for the differences. Communication style is one of the more common reasons. Personality usually drives communication style in a relationship. An article on Princeton University’s website called, “Understanding Your Communication Style” deals with the 4 main styles of communication and their traits. They are as follows:

Passive: Understated, defers to another, may lead to misunderstandings, avoids conflict.
Aggressive: Expressive and sometimes alienates others, defensive, wants a “quick fix.”
Passive-Aggressive: Hides anger by appearing passive, sarcastic, and indirect, ignores other people’s rights.
Assertive: Direct and honest, considerate of feelings, direct honesty can feel like aggression to some (Also see here and here for more about communication.

Improving communication is 1 of the most important ways to keep from having a marriage under pressure.

Marriage Under Pressure – Types of Pressure

When 2 people marry, they bring their personalities, frustrations, relationships, hopes, and dreams into the union. At first, that sounds manageable. However, in the case of young adults, they are still maturing and there are going to be changes in their brains and emotions over time (Washington Post, Gilbert, Feb. 28, 2023, “How does the brain age across lifespan? New studies offer clues”). In most instances, they are trying to figure out how they feel about things that they hadn’t given too much thought to before. Things like relationships with parents, unmet goals, unresolved adolescent issues, and in many cases, childhood abuse of some sort. Add to this the stress of schedules, bills, in-laws, sexual or intimacy issues, and discussions about children and you suddenly have a marriage under pressure. Fortunately, there are many resources available for couples.

Marriage Under Pressure – Alcohol Use and Abuse

In January of this year (2023) the World Health Organization said, “No level of alcohol consumption is safe for our health.” “Alcohol is a toxic, psychoactive, and dependence-producing substance and has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer decades ago – this is the highest risk group, which also includes asbestos, radiation, and tobacco…half of all alcohol-attributable cancers in the WHO European Region are caused by “light” and “moderate” alcohol consumption” (ibid).”The average American drinks 60 percent more hard liquor now than in the mid-1990s, an unheralded surge in spirit consumption that signals changing tastes in alcohol. Americans are drinking more wine, too: 50 percent more per person since 1995.” (The Hill, De Vise, 06/12/23, https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/4043030-hard-liquor-consumption-is-up-60-percent-since-the-1990s/).

Marriage Under Pressure – Recreational and Addictive Drug Abuse

I hope you don’t think that I am self-righteous. I understand that life is tough and we need relief. But sometimes the relief causes more trouble. It is a known fact that drug use and abuse change the chemical structure and function of the brain. But it also eats away at a marriage relationship. It directly affects the spouse and children, creates conflict in the home, hurts the user’s emotional and mental health, creates financial problems, exposes the user to potential legal difficulties, is 1 of the primary causes of codependency, and more often than not, contributes to separation and divorce (Johnelle Smith, M.D, December 29, 2021, “How Substance Abuse Affects Spouses/Marriage).”

Marriage Under Pressure – Finding a Remedy

Our progress throughout our lives is not linear: there is no straight line from beginning to end. Instead, it is, for most, a jagged line that looks something like a staircase, and that’s not altogether bad. A marriage under pressure needs steps not leaps. Even if we miss a step, or even tumble, we can get back up and begin to climb again. Doctors, counselors, treatment centers, available literature, mental and emotional health specialists, and pastors are just a few of the types of help that are available when the pressure is too much. There is also a spiritual remedy. Jesus is willing and able to help a troubled person or marriage under pressure. “Whoever calls on Him will be saved” Romans 10:13.

“There is a way out”

If you or someone you love is in trouble personally or in their relationships, I encourage you to take advantage of the help available. It’s completely human to face trouble, but there is a way out. Feel free to leave a comment in the section provided or email me at sheltoncovenantministries@gmail.com.