In the Pit

My middle child is a tall 9 year old girl full of spunk, compassion and she’s very pretty just like her mother. However, from about the time Brooklynn turned 7 years old, my wife and I identified that she has a lot of me in her too. Just like her daddy, she has a high level of anxiety and can get extremely emotional. A great example of how this plays out is as a dancer; though she is very talented, she experiences stage fright to a greater degree than her friends and her emotions can swing from bubbly to very sad in an instant.

At times she comes to me with emotions that I simply cannot empathize with which causes my response to be a quick “just suck it up.” When I see her being emotional, especially at things that I deem irrational, it is easy for me to respond by telling her to stop whining and to just get over it. I am not proud of these moments as a father, but they helped to expose something that went further than just my relationship with her. I realized through Brooklynn that at times I lacked empathy with others in my life as well. My daughter has helped me to mature in my interactions with her and with others as well.

Through spending time with her, I learned that trying to pull someone out of their “pit” is not always the best way to help someone. Just telling someone to realize it isn’t a big deal and to “get over” their emotions doesn’t usually help the situation. Rather than trying to rip her from her emotional state, Brooklynn has shown me how to climb into the pit with her when she is hurting. She taught me how to empathize because sometimes the best support I can be is just a shoulder to cry on.

At first it can seem like a scary thing to try to share in the suffering of another. Sometimes I wouldn’t go there with people because of fear of what would happen. Trying to understand the perspective and pain of another that you do not necessarily relate to means that you must expose yourself to the possibility of being wrong. In selfishness, if something did not bother me, why would I go out of my way to put on the pain of another person and try to help them through something? Brooklynn has taught me that even if you do not understand what someone is going through, doesn’t mean that they aren’t being wronged, that they do not need comfort and does not excuse you from being there to help them. When her 38 year old father is having a hard time and my baby girl comes and just lays down next to me – not saying a whole lot, she shows just how simple it can really be.

My middle child has shown me more than some thing a 9 year old can fully comprehend, and I am a better man because of it. Thank you Brooklynn, Daddy loves you so much.