Keep Coming Back

It being Mother’s Day today and all, I am doing a lot of thinking about family. My mom died way too many years ago to keep the tally at hand. My Nanny, the woman who did the day to day raising of me, passed only a few years later, and my ex-wife’s mom has been gone for over five years. So pretty much I’ve been a free agent for a while now. Truth is, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be part of a traditional family. More specifically, my traditionally dysfunctional family. The only family that I really belong to now is the family of God. To be honest, that hasn’t been such a great experience either.

Rob Bell tells the story of greeting congregants after one of his first sermons as a Pastor. One of the procession of handshakees whispered to him, “You need to go to a 12 step meeting.” He very naturally wondered why this guy thought he was a drunk, but found himself in a meeting one day anyway. Bell describes a raw openness and honesty he found there from people who were at their bottoms with nothing more to lose.

Those moments in 12 step meetings take my breath away. It’s like being at a Pentacostal tent meeting revival, listening to Sister Everyoneloves tearfully pray as the music swells and shouts of “Amen!” and “Glory!” fill the air. Except at a 12 step meeting the only sound in the air is the gurgling of the coffee pot and adjusting of metal chairs, and the sobbing cries are coming from a deeply profound place of gratitude, and need.

Anonymous-meetings are a place where people gather to experience life together; to support one another, to share their experience, strength, victories, failures and hope. The ‘sin’ on the table may be alcohol, or drugs, or food, or sex or gambling or a myriad of other human failings, but the answer is uniformly the same, “keep coming back.” Keep coming back because we are in this together. Keep coming back because there is healing in community whose goal is to love one another back to healthy living. Keep coming back because everyone one is welcome, you just need a desire to stop, and receive the grace that comes from that admission. Keep coming back because the most important person in the meeting is the one just finding his way.

I was once the Pastor of a church. I was ordained and indoctrinated, and I helped raise money for denominational missions. Then one day I fell hard. It wasn’t pretty. My actions and behavior were not becoming of a Christian, much less an ordained minister. I was chastened and penalized. I was set a drift, and left to fend for myself. I would like to think that it was all in keeping with Paul’s practices in The Corinthians, with the goal of restoration, but I think mostly it was banishment from the kingdom. Afterall, why rehabilitate a drug addict when it’s just easier to just throw them in jail, right? I imagine that my restoration would include nothing less than a frontal lobotomy.

My experience with family has been abyssal, so maybe that’s why I walk out of a 12 step meeting feeling spiritually energized and filled with love for my fellow man. Or maybe my spirit senses a need within me to be part of a community of ragamuffins, just like me, who don’t have all the answers, and are content to be held together one day at a time. A place where the message of hope is shared by attraction, not promotion, and the leaders are just other addicts acting as trusted servants. I don’t need to be whipped into an emotional frenzy by some overzealous song leader, and I don’t have feel like I’m never good enough, because everyone there is resting on the undeserved grace of the group conscience.

As families get together today to celebrate Mom, I can’t help wonder how many people feel as out of place as I do at these kind of gatherings. How many people will spend the day wearing their painted faces and too-tight dress to impress clothes; counting every minute until the belt can be loosened and wondering when its safe to stop worrying about what is being said about them in the next room. I like going to a place that people are glad to see me even if my t-shirt is stained and my face has a three day growth. I like that even if I don’t feel especially inspired by a meeting, there is a chance that I helped someone just by being there or maybe even the words I spoke, but can’t even remember, about my day’s struggles and successes. Mostly, I like that no matter when or where, I can find a family with whom to share my victories and failures and all they ask in return is the openness, honesty and willingness to accept and share the love of the group; whose greatest hope for me is that I will keep coming back.