We think we write only to communicate to others, but that is largely wrong. Sure, we want to connect, to tell others something about the world as we see it. But, we write just as much to discover those neglected bits of our own selves buried beneath the layers of scattered thoughts and other detritus of the mind. For example, writing this blog has brought to light a number of themes that inform my thinking and, in order to refine... Read more
Ladies, Sometimes you have to declare where you stand. This might not be easy for you. Saying unambiguously what you do or don’t want requires being open. Saying yes or no to anything leaves you vulnerable. If you can’t get comfortable with that, things are going to be tougher for you than necessary. This is particularly true in the arena of dating and relationships. Imagine some guy asks you for a date. He’s done his part. He approached you, and... Read more
As a scared and confused 20–something, I needed help. I had floundered the first few years of college, achieving significantly below my academic potential. I enjoyed being with people, but was riddled with anxieties about relationships and about my value in the eyes of others. When I was in public I behaved in ways I thought would build the image of me in others minds I wanted them to have. In private, I veered between inexplicable anger, crushing depression and... Read more
Nobody gets to have a perfect dad. The best are flawed even though they try. Some are just rotten. Fortunately, my dad was one of the better ones. He was always a kind and faithful presence in my brother’s and my lives growing up. Whatever happened, we knew we could count on him to be there when we needed him. Not everyone can say the same. From time to time, I hear from men whose fathers have let them down.... Read more
All the dates have, it seems, been canceled. Forever. Dating has been in decline for some time now. Young men and women no longer go out as couples for dinner and movies. Now it’s all about staying in for Netflix & Chill. Rather than suffer the tension of a few awkward moments one on one, young people hang out in groups and hooking up for random, noncommittal fondling. This shift is both a symptom and a cause of the pervasive... Read more
My brother and I didn’t know how good we had it. Our mother stayed home with us for a large part of the time we were growing up. For a while, she worked a job where she’d get home around four, half an hour or so after my brother and I got home from school. We were on our own barely long enough to qualify as part-time latchkey kids . We were far from wealthy. But, we were heirs to... Read more
When a house is sinking into the ground, a wise man doesn’t try to solve the problem by rearranging his furniture. No cosmetic change is going to solve the problem. Add a new coat of paint, some new fixtures in the bathroom, hang a lot of beautiful pictures, and the house will still fall down. The only way to solve the problem is to attend to the foundation. When the foundation needs to be shored up, nothing else matters. The... Read more
Regret has an undeservedly bad reputation. Sure, regret can be malignant sometimes, but in its more benign forms, it’s a sign that you know more now than you once did. All grown-ups have regrets as they look back and see the follies of their youth. If someone tells you he has no regrets, steer clear because, inside, he’s still nineteen. I have regrets, but I’m at peace with them. See, one advantage of middle age is having the perspective to... Read more
While innocents were being slaughtered in Paris, my wife and I were preparing for a night out. By the time we arrived at our destination, a quaint bed and breakfast in the Ohio woods, more than 100 Parisians were dead. We stowed our bags in our room and returned to the lobby. A few minutes later, the chef emerged from the kitchen to talk about the meal we were about to begin. He apologized for putting so much effort into... Read more
The reason you’re lonely is that you act like a coward. You look for ways to skirt difficulties. You avoid challenges, especially when it comes to establishing relationships with women. I get it. You don’t want her to say no. You don’t want her to reject you, to leave you home alone wondering what’s wrong with you. You certainly don’t want her to tell all her friends what a loser you are. Let’s be clear. All of that could happen.... Read more
The Road Home
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