Facing My Fair-weather Faith

Facing my facade
Recently, I had to face my fair-weather faith in the face of losing it all. Cycles of abuse, and manipulation brought me to a point of desperation, discord and depression. I haven’t always been like this, but after sincere introspection, I’m finally able to acknowledge why. The Spirit, Himself, has shown me, that in the face of fear my faith that once stood tall, with increasing weathering became shaky. Unknowingly, casting my cares burgeoned into pressing God for his blessings, miracles and more. But why?

Why?
The Spirit showed me that in absence of intuitive inclination, I lost my footing like having my eyes closed and trying to walk down a NYC street. I was unable to shut out the outside noises and focus in on the promises of GoD. They serve as a light unto our path, because it’s His Word. Confirmation came, today, at the end of class, as the instructor, Janeil Mason shared a brief testimony of a recent move. not only did she mention being ready tp move at an opportunity at any given moment, but to “…trust God not only when it’s easy, but trust Him when things are hard.”

Although, I have a longstanding relationship with God and have trusted God in troubled waters instinctively, my issue became trusting God without the normal signs He so often provides while under tremendous duress. Those intervals of hope is what kept me moving forward. Let’s face it, many of us become more motivated when we have a reference of God’s ercy in our lives versus than the Word of God, singularly. When you have been waiting on a miracle for years, decades even, following one heart breaking loss after another, it sometimes is imperative to have a real physical reference of God’s miraculous power as a motivating factor.

What’s worst is that I began supressing those Godly reminders through my complaining and badgering God. This is what happens when the enemy veils your prognostication. Without the normal signals, I became slightly embittered leaving space for the wickedness to creep in. Spiritually, I was fighting twice as hard to balance the scales of my emotions and my belief.

It’s not as if I hadn’t seen the hand of God in my life before, its just that in recent years, I had felt let down over and over again, constantly losing something or somenone. I know God does kill steall or destroy, but I became hesitent to ask for my needs as i couldn’t read the father’s mind… as if i ever could. I wanted the map He so neatly provided my entire life.

Shift
However, I discovered as God was elevating in the spirit realm, he wanted me to trust beyond the inklings, and the references, He wanted me to satnd on Thw Word the way ministers preaching to us implore us to do each service. he wanted me in the space of those in the pews. I felt that.