We’ll be leaving for the memorial service for my mother shortly. It’s a warm, gray, rainy, humid day, guaranteed to make my hair frizz and get out of control. Sigh–teen angst never really fully leaves, does it?
I did sleep some last night, but continually have dreams of my mother. Not bad ones–she’s clearly at peace. Just dreams. Dreams of her as a young woman, dreams of her dreams.
I continue to be shocked at how numb I am and for my sadness. As hard as the last six weeks have been, she only actually had five weeks of incapacity in her entire life and those were her last five weeks of life. And I only had five weeks of non-stop hospital/rehab/hospice days to deal with.
People keep suggesting I take more time off. I keep thinking I need to get back to work. I’m beginning to think they know more than I do about this.
And it would be good to just clean my house, go ahead and dismantle the totally neglected garden for fall, to put in some fall flowers, to take care of a few more things at Mother’s house, and to sleep. Just sleep.
But I’ll not make a decision about this until Sunday. I just need to honor this day, and be grateful for many, many good memories.
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