People Are Being “Loved” To Death

From MacArthur “How should a wife respond to a physically abusive husband?”

Still, while Scripture does not specifically instruct the battered wife, it gives principles that certainly apply to her. Proverbs 14:16 says, “A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil” (NASB). God gives us wisdom to be defensive and cautious. We duck when something flies through the air at our heads. Common sense tells us to avoid situations where we’re placed in physical danger. And I believe that is what God expects of us.

MacArthur opens up pretty well, stating that we should be defensive and cautious. And I would agree, when we are placed in Physical Danger (even in marriage) we should remove ourselves from that situation. He even states God would expect that of a person. So how does MacArthur recommend this be done? By staying in physical danger.

My advice to women who are in danger of physical injury from their husbands is first of all to try to defuse the situation. Be careful not to provoke any circumstances that will make your husband become violent. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath.”

Victim Blaming

Not only does he not make any recommendation to leave, he victim blames. Its the responsibility of the abused to regulate the emotions of the abuser. Its the abused job to “defuse the situation”.

A Death Sentence

But then he drops this little nugget of wisdom in the paragraph above:

If you have children and they are in danger, take them someplace where you will be secure until you feel you may safely come back.

Let me be blunt here, if your children are in danger in a place NEVER go back to that place. You owe nothing to an abuser, especially one who abuses children. If you need a minister to tell you this, I’ve been ordained 12 years… NEVER go back. This last sentence has been a death sentence for many women and children who felt they had to go back. DO NOT GO BACK.