And this Year's Theme for Lent is….

I was thinking and thinking about what to give up for Lent. I’ve heard the rumors that it’s coming up, but I keep sticking my fingers in my ear and pretend I am not hearing it. Too bad that I’m addicted to the frackin’ internet so I read these rumors. It would be much easier to avoid them if I cut off my WiFi. Before you get all “Well, there you go, that’s what  you can give up for Lent”, let me just say that I will DIE without the internet. My dog refuses to talk about theological issues with me. Like baking cakes for gay people. He just wouldn’t engage me in the conversation so I HAD TO go to Facebook to discuss.

Anywho, I was on the phone with my husband today and I said “Hey, so Lent starts next Wednesday” and he said “Oh shit.” Does that convey to you how much this family sucks at Lent?

On a normal year we suck at Lent. (which the idea of  normal around here is not the normal that’s pushed in family magazines as normal, so either they are wrong or we are crazy)  We give up one thing and make it by the seat of our pants to Mass on Sunday, to 5 O’clock Mass. We are the people who run all the way up to the door and then try to walk in all cool like we are not really running to get in before it’s officially late and cool for people to judge you for being late.

Last year, it was even worse than every other year. Last year was the year that we became terrible Catholics. For four years, we had been barely getting by Catholics with the mom who was crazy and judged everyone, but last year I kind of threw in the towel. The idea of the arguments and fights and pulling of teeth to get these heathens to go to Mass just became too much.

It’s kind of like I was on this boat paddling and my husband had helped me paddle and then suddenly he just stopped and was chillin’ drinking a beer and admiring the sunshine, while I worked my ass off paddling. A lot of things happened to make my husband unplug, and most of it was my crazy “Don’t do that, don’t do this, what will the so and so’s say?, do you know that people see you?, etc. etc. nag nag nag, that drove him over the edge into bad Catholic town.  I followed right behind him. Meanwhile, the kids are wondering if we are still even Catholic or if we have become protestants. Shout out to Protestants! No offense, they are just wondering.

So! This is the Lent that is going to turn it all back around. We are going to go to confession as a family and then go to Ash Wednesday Mass. We are going to be freakin’ on time and happy. We aren’t going to complain about no meat Fridays and we are going to give to the poor someway, somehow. Then we are going to party on Easter Sunday like it is 1999 and live the rest of our lives without missing Sunday Mass ever again for no good reason. Yes, we are going to start paddling again lil buddy.

And I know what I’m giving up for Lent: Being a bitch to my husband. (Jesus just snorted ya’ll.) I would give up being snarky to everyone, but that’s pushing it. I will try though.

So there you have it: the theme for this Lent is for this family to quit sucking at being Catholic.

I’m also going to make a daily appointment to sit in silence and pray. I’m really bad about that. I talk, a.lot. and I spend all day long talking to God, but never really being quiet and listening. I did that a lot the first year I was Catholic, and then life happened.

With all this time on my hands of not being snarky to people and my husband in particular, I might actually get my first draft done.

Please pray for me, and if you have any prayer intentions, please post them in the comments and I’ll keep them in prayer throughout Lent.