Hey Loud and Fast Mass Response Person

I think that we all know about the person who sits behind you in Mass who has to say every response louder than everyone else and about a half second faster. Yeah, are you this person? Then let me ask you, what’s up with that?

For five years I have been going to Mass and there is always one of you behind me at Mass. No matter where I go! Even in Rome. Do ya’ll have a club? Is there something that I don’t know? Like if you say the responses loud and fast that Jesus will give you a gold star? If there is a legitimate reason, please let me know so that I can stop daydreaming about things I want to do to you during Mass.

Maybe that is why God puts you behind me, so that I can practice what I preach and not worry about what others do at Mass, but focus on God. But in my defense, it’s hard to focus with someone shouting “AND WITH YOUR SPIRIT!!” In my ear.

Maybe this is punishment for me and my family holding hands during the Our Father, or because my kids go to Mass looking like stray cats. Hey, I get them there. Or maybe it’s just penance for all the years of living as a pagan. Could be because I went to Mass a lot in my life and never once paid any attention to anything that was happening. The weird thing is that in those days, there were never people shouting behind me.

Please Loud and Fast Mass Responder People, help me understand. I want to understand.

I really don’t ask for much. I don’t care how you look, I don’t care if you hold hands during the Our Father, I don’t even look at the people around me, I keep my eyes closed because I know that I’m a judgey McJudgey face. But I can’t ignore the offbeat shouting. I have been trying, it doesn’t work. We have even changed where in the church we sit! You follow us.

I beg you, as your sister in Christ, please stop shouting. God is not deaf. There isn’t a competition to say the responses louder and faster than everyone else. If you want to feel like you are a better Catholic than the family in front of you, well, let me help you. If we are the family in front of you, you are a better Catholic than us. So there, stop shouting. We need to listen to the Mass, because we suck. We need to focus and think of God and how much we are in need of His Mercy and we can’t do that when we are hoping you lose your voice.

Thank you for your consideration,

The Adams family (Go ahead, laugh, sing the theme song, get it out of your system)