Reality Is Difficult, But It Is Not Boring

I have been pretty honest and open about my past and I’ve had people ask me why I do that. Some people think that I’m courageous for doing so, but really it’s not me being courageous at all. I am open about it because my whole life is about one thing: testifying about the things that God has done for me because He has set me free. I tried to live according the rules of the secular world, and no matter how much freedom you think you have, there are always rules. There are always choices and a choice for one thing is a choice to not have another. If you want to be single and sleep around then you choose to not be in a mutual total self-giving relationship. It’s how it goes: a yes to one thing is a no to another.

The world seems to be thirsting for freedom that they are willing to accept false freedom in the place of true freedom. As more and more forbidden fruit gets eaten, more and more do we see a world that is a starving. Nothing is off limits. The only reason to have a good reputation is for PR and optics.  You can do what you want, be what you want and can decide that things are the way you want. The most common thing that people are freeing themselves from is reality. Being free from reality isn’t freedom, it’s delusional, but if you point that out to anyone, then you’re being judgmental.

All of this freedom seems to have begun with sexual freedom. If you can have sex before marriage then you’re free. Then it went to having sex with whoever you wanted and then you had to make sure that you didn’t get pregnant so we needed the freedom to get birth control. Then we needed a plan B if birth control failed so we needed the freedom to get abortions and now we need free abortions. Free, free, free! Free to have sex with whoever you want and free from the consequences of having sex. Being free is so much fun, until it’s not.

Being “free” and having nothing forbidden makes people bored. Completely bored. Right now that boredom is creating crazy and delusional, but eventually it will make the Catholic view on sexuality, and morality as a whole, look exciting. That’s when we can be the light on the hill. People often ask me how I came to understand the teachings of the Church on sex. The answer is that it’s because I was bored. Really, really bored. I did it all and the only thing left to do was to actually love others more than myself. Self-giving love is frustrating, exhausting, scary and draining, but there is nothing boring about it.

When Catholics say free we mean something totally different than when the world says “free”. The world means that nobody can tell them what to do. Everything is a “yes” and they are not responsible for anyone but themselves and their own happiness. Nobody talks about how boring that gets. Not only is it boring but it’s lonely. The high loses its high, the pleasure starts to become dull and the excitement wears off.  For me, that life became a constant need to get more, do more and it always ended with me alone. No matter how much fun I had, I was always alone and disappointed when it was over. I was always running and always chasing something that was not real.

For Catholics freedom means discerning when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. Not just when but also what to say “yes” to and what to say “no” to. That creates a story, a human story. The struggle between the “yeses” and the “nos” is where Catholic freedom is. We hold the power to say “yes” or “no” to anything. That is literally our superpower as human beings. Anyone who take our “no” away violates us and anyone who disses our “yes” does too. Knowing that reality is freedom.

Reality is difficult, but it’s not boring.