1. This has been the craziest weeks in a long time. Not in a bad way, in a very good way, but still crazy. I don’t even know how it’s Friday. I have done nothing on my to-do list. It also doesn’t help that feel like I can’t see. I think I need glasses, which makes things very difficult to do. Like write. 2. Speaking of writing, I have done nothing on my book all month-long and I plan... Read more
So yesterday at Mass the first reading was out of Proverbs 31 which for me is the “How you suck as a wife” proverb. Mostly because I have had a low self-esteem most of my life, but also because I’m not like other “normal” women. Or my idea of normal anyway. I have always thought of normal as clean and organized. My mother is the cleanest person to ever live. The woman takes down her curtains once a month, washes... Read more
1. I’m gonna be honest, this is what I have looked like all week-long as I look over my Newsfeed on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. No offense to crazy people. 2. I came out of the closet when it comes to my love of Kim Kardashian a long time ago, because the truth is that we have plenty of petty drama in the Catholic Church, so to act as if we are “too good” for reality TV is stupid. Exhibit... Read more
For 5 years I have heard that joy is what is underneath the water surface. That everything on the surface can be in turmoil but below that is calm water. I have rolled my eyes every time that is said to me, which is often. The last two weeks have taught me that lesson hard-core. I’ve also learned a few others: the key to joy is minding my business, loving instead of fixing and paying attention to my own responsibilities... Read more
I checked out a few links that were feeding into my blog today and I saw a theme: a warning about the fact that I cuss. While I am not offended at all by that warning, I do feel like maybe I need to explain why I find it ok to cuss on my blog posts. I think everyone should be warned because not everyone is down with the cuss words. I had a lady tell me that she feels... Read more
I have such a hard time believing that God loves me just as I am. Even worse, I have a hard time loving myself. I am scared of being left by those that I love the most, I’m scared of not being good enough, of being weak, of not praying right, of not going to Mass enough, of being bad, of saying the wrong things, of not writing enough, of my house being dirty, of not being a doormat, of... Read more
1. Last Friday at this time I was looking for a bridge to jump from. The entire year of tears, stress, depression and spiritual warfare came to this climax that made me think that I was not going to survive. Luckily for me, I had a spiritual direction meeting that afternoon and was reminded of why I am here. Because God loves me more than I think He does. Every moment of my life is proof of that. Even... Read more
I was talking to my best friend today about some things and I realized that so many people have such a crazy idea about marriage and relationships; me included. My husband and I are going through some things, and while it’s not my place to publicly talk about the specifics, I can talk about what I am learning by the Grace of God, my therapist, Alanon (there is no love addiction 12 step program close to me) and spiritual direction.... Read more
1. It’s Halloween annnd I have nothing to do except get my 15-year-old son a mum for his homecoming date. Whhhuttt? I don’t even know where the time went. Halloween has always been our favorite holiday and when my husband and I got together we made it a point to have his boys so that all 7 kids could go trick or treating together. Which meant 7 costumes and tons of candy. I don’t know how it happened, but at... Read more
I do not feel God anywhere today. I felt Him on Sunday and when I woke up on Monday I was grateful for my entire life, which I haven’t felt grateful for in a very long time, but today? Nothing. I went to therapy and Mass today…… and nothing. I feel just blank. I’m not angry, sad or happy. I do feel sleepy, but if I were to place all my bets on there being a God based on how... Read more
Through Broken Roses
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