Why, Colbert, Why?

“Dear Stephen, Please have my Daddy on your show!”

Every week I receive a “publicity report” from Kelly Hughes, the best in the business.  She’s been in contact with scores of journalists over the past three months, telling them about my book and trying to interest them in doing a story on it.  Between the Democratic primaries and the Pope, there hasn’t been a lot of leeway in the media for “trends in religion” stories, which is how my book is generally categorized by journalists.  But she’s still gotten the book a lot of great notice.

Well, in the report this week, I got the worst news of all.  The Colbert Report said “no” to having me on.  Sure, it was a long shot, but my kids were praying every night that I’d get on Colbert. 

Charlie Rose?  Who cares.  Tavis Smiley?  I’m too busy.  Bill O’Reilly?  Not interested.

But Colbert?  He’s my hero.  I watch every night.  I dream about him.  I study his interviews.

So, my atheism increases.  I’m melting my Wrist Strong bracelet down.  I’m adopting a bear cub.  I’m giving Colbert a wag of my finger…and he knows which finger.

Why, Colbert, Why?!?!?!?