The “I’m Just Not That into Meditation” Guide to Meditation

How I learned to sit still without losing my mind (or my interest).

I have a love/hate/I’m-just-not-that-into-you relationship with meditation. It was many years into my spiritual journey before I meditated for the first time. It just never interested me. And over the past decade or two, it’s something I’ve only done sporadically.

The reason? On most days, I feel calm and centered. Even Zen. So, why bother? But I do admit there are moments when my mind bolts like a stallion from an open gate, galloping this way and that. My ego likes to think of this as constructive thinking and, occasionally, he may be right. But there’s also a point where my soul steps in and asks: “Can you please get this guy to shut up?”

Meditation can be tricky. But it doesn’t have to be.

The first book on meditation I recall reading came in at over 300 pages. I never made my way all the way through it. My take is that with meditation there’s such a thing as TMI or too much information. After all, if the goal is to think less, why read a book that gets you thinking more? That’s where Dan Harris comes in.

You might be familiar with Harris; he’s an on-air talent for ABC who can be seen on both Nightline and Good Morning America. He’s also the creator of a book and app called 10% Happier, which was followed by the book Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics with meditation instructor Jeff Warren.

Harris points out that the word “meditation” is a bit like the word “sports.” There are hundreds of varieties. The type of meditation Harris teaches is called “mindfulness meditation” and he makes the case for why it’s needed in the first place:

(The mind) is often fixated on the past and future, at the expense of whatever is happening right now. The voice is insatiable. The default mental condition for too many humans is dissatisfaction. For the ego, nothing is good enough. We’re always on the hunt for the next dopamine hit. The voice is unbelievably self-involved. In short, the voice in my head, and perhaps also yours, can be an *******.

The benefits of meditation last longer than the practice.

It took me awhile to learn that you’re not meditating for the ten minutes of peace it brings you during the meditation practice. You’re meditating for the peace it brings you after the meditation is over. Once you get the hang of it (and there’s not much to get), you might find you’re able to settle back into a calm meditative state in the blink of an eye. That’s especially helpful if you’re faced with any stresses during the day, be it from your job, the news headlines, or the gas-powered leaf-blower the guy’s using next door.

When you’re able to deal with whatever life throws at you in a relaxed and unflustered way, you’ve achieved what’s called mindfulness. It’s defined as the ability to focus your awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings and thoughts. Harris explains it like this:

Mindfulness is the ability to see what’s happening in your head at any given moment, so that you don’t get carried away by it.  What mindfulness can do for you is to help you respond wisely to things, instead of reacting impulsively.

How to meditate in 3 easy steps.

One important note before we proceed: the goal of meditation isn’t to stop thinking. As Harris and Warren point out, the aim is to change your relationship with thinking. “If you go into meditation with the expectation that you will suspend all thought, you’re going to have a rough go for it.” So go easy on yourself as you follow the three steps below.

Step 1. Sit comfortably. You can close your eyes or, if you prefer, you can leave them open and adjust your gaze to a neutral point on the ground.

Step 2. Bring your full attention to the feeling of your breath coming in and out. Pick a spot where it’s most prominent. Your chest, your belly, or your nostrils.  If it helps, count the breaths from one to 10 and then start over. (Your breath is your home base, the place to come back to.)

Step 3. Begin again. This is the step that matters most. As soon as you do the first two steps, your mind may get distracted and start to race like a runaway train.  This is normal and part of the process. Simply notice when you are distracted and move back to step 2. Again. And again. And again.

Harris and Warren advise us to set realistic goals for our meditation practice. They recommend five to ten minutes a day, with an important qualification: “If that’s not possible, one minute of meditation absolutely counts. As a general rule, the more often you meditate, the easier it gets and the more enduring the benefits.”

Forget to meditate? No problem. You can basically doing it anywhere, at any time. The authors call these “free-range meditations.” You can meditate lying in your bed, while taking a shower, while stuck in traffic, or standing in line at the bank. Simply focus on taking ten deep breaths without losing your focus. Voila, you’re meditating!