A guide to being awake in the middle of the night. Photo via Alexa Gore and Unsplash.
It’s 3am and I’m wide awake.
I’ve actually been up since about 2:20. And who knows, I may be awake for another hour or two.
I did all the recommended bedtime prep. I stopped drinking coffee by Noon. I shut down my phone and TV an hour before bedtime. I made sure the bedroom was cool, 67 degrees or under. I read a book until I was sleepy and still…it’s 3am and my brain thinks it’s the middle of the day.
Welcome to the wonderful world of insomnia.
While millions of people may suffer from insomnia, it’s really like being in a club of one. In the insomnia club, meetings pop up randomly and at less-than-ideal hours. You’re the only one who attends them. There’s no real agenda—unless it’s to sort out what happened yesterday or worry about what’s happening tomorrow. And frankly, it all can wait.
When I have trouble sleeping, my wife has a question that you may have, too: “What are you thinking about, is there something on your mind?” Most times, I can honestly say no. After meditating for years, I can usually quiet my mind when it races like a drunken teenager in a muscle car. But not every night.
A few tricks I use for insomnia that might work for you.
One thing I notice when I wake up and can’t get back to sleep: It can take a little time to corral the wild stallion that is my mind. But I’ve found that when the minutes are ticking by and there’s no sleep in sight, there are two things I must do immediately. If you too experience insomnia, they might work for you:
- Focus on your breath. Waking up at 2 or 3am in a dazed state, it can take several minutes to remember this—but it’s vitally important. You need to get out of your head. And that starts by focusing on the breath. When you turn your awareness to your breath as it flows into your chest and diaphragm, it automatically gets you out of your headspace. Breathe deeply and as you inhale and exhale, you might repeat the thought “deep breath in…pause…deep breath out.”
- Drop back into yourself. You need to separate yourself from your thoughts. You might think about this literally and imagine yourself sinking into the bed and into the innermost part of yourself. As Pema Chodren said, think of your thoughts as clouds passing in the sky. You’re not the clouds; you’re firmly planted on earth observing them. It’s another way to move awareness from your head to your heart.
When my mind is really congested with thought, I toggle between steps one and two over and over again. Still awake after 30 minutes? Many experts recommend getting out of bed. You might try sitting in a comfy chair as you cycle through the first two steps. Or try reading a book until you’re sleepy. It shouldn’t be a thriller or murder mystery, a good spirituality book can do wonders.
Three more ways to tamp down insomnia.
Once you’ve mastered the first two activities, here are a few other ideas you might try.
- Recall moments of gratitude from the previous day. While these thoughts may start in your head, they can be quickly be moved to your heart. Consider anything in your life you’re grateful for and silently give it or them heartfelt thanks.
- Say a mantra. Mantras can help absolve your brain from thought by focusing your attention elsewhere. A new mantra I especially like is “There’s nothing to be done.” As you breathe, repeat it until it sinks in. The meditation expert Loch Kelly advises a similar mantra: “What’s here now when there’s no problem to solve?”
- Rest deep in your soul. The wee hours of the morning are a good time to move deeper into yourself, side-stepping the chattering ego and locating the most enigmatic part of our humanhood, the soul. (It’s also where you’re most apt to find the great life force we call God.) Embrace your soul and ponder this thought: What does my soul want from me? You just might receive an answer.
What if something “important” pops up into your head and it just won’t go away? Write it down. Personally, I keep a notepad and Pilot Razor Point pen at my bedside to record my dreams. But half the time I use it to jot down something I think I’ll forget by morning. It’s a way to offload the thought out of your head onto paper, just like downloading a file onto a computer.
I thought the Buddhists might have some answers for insomnia. They do.
Even taking all the steps above, some early mornings I still have trouble getting back to sleep. So, I looked to the Buddhists for answers. From the Buddhist perspective, insomnia falls under the umbrella of “suffering.” But rather than seeing insomnia as a problem to be solved, they encourage you to see it as an opportunity for practice. Here are a few recommendations from the Buddhist school of thought:
- Let go of the need to control. Accept that you’re awake and tell yourself it’s okay. This simple act can reduce the anxiety that often fuels insomnia.
- Turn your restlessness into a positive. View your time awake as a moment to be present. It’s the body’s way of restoring itself and the mind’s way of clearing up space.
- Use it as a time to meditate. Instead of trying to force yourself to sleep, use the time to meditate. The goal is not to fall asleep during meditation, but to quiet the mind so that sleep can occur naturally.
In the end, insomnia presents us with a choice: Do we fight against it even if it’s a losing battle? Or do we welcome the peace and stillness our insomnia can provide? Instead of getting upset about our sleeplessness, perhaps our only choice is to embrace it. Rather than look at insomnia as a problem, maybe we should view it as an invitation—to rest and simply be.
Another way I cope: I take naps. See the story here.
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