Cracking open the Shell

The unknown and accidental Glamour that comes with Priestesshood and how to not make the same mistakes I did.

Peeling back the layers of the rose, we are all the same, but what makes the difference between the seeker and the Priestess? The Priestess has been where the seeker is, not just once but many times. They heard the call, fearlessly jumped off the ledge and then proceeded to fall, stumble, scrape their knees; yet they got up and moved forward. They haven’t reached the destination, because none of us will ever truly reach the end until death, but they have been on the path before. They know how to navigate the land, where the thorns are, where they aren’t, and how to untangle snags. They have been educated in the ways of the craft, clergy, and ritual. In fact while the seeker is out partying, in school, work etc. the Priestess has dedicated her life to learning, taking classes, teaching, and facilitating ritual. They are not arm chair pagans; they do the work every day because they answered their call from within. They are not ascended masters or even gurus; they are trail blazers, guides, and most importantly, have experience that the seeker doesn’t.

Glamour
Enchantment and Glamour are often magical practices where the practitioner would choose to create a masked view of themselves so that people will perceive them in a certain way. This is most often done on purpose so that the person can achieve power or prestige.
Enchantment and Glamour magic is its own system, and there is much to be
explored but this is not the blog post for that. However I have found,
recently, from my own experience as well as that of my Priestess (Lady
Greenflame) and a conversation with a trusted friend, that Enchantment and
Glamour can be placed on a person from outside sources as well. In this case it
is usually unknown; a heavy weight that can’t be described and until you have
experienced it, you might not know its happening to you.  It seems to
happen when the Priestess is unaware of how other perceive her. Of course it
would be crazy to expect the Priestess to know on a deep level what her
students and the community see her as. She is only responsible for her actions,
thoughts and emotions; she is not responsible for how people perceive her.
While many might disagree with me, I will stand firm that what a Priestess puts
out into the world she is responsible for but what others perceive about her,
what she does and how she serves is not her responsibility. This would require
her to invade each and everyone’s mind and find out what they think. Not only
is this intrusive, but it is not the job of the Priestess. I personally have a
rule: I will not look in at my student’s personal lives, energy, etc. through
psychic means, divination or “general stalking”. It is not my responsibility to
manage their life, it is theirs to seek me out when they need help. For
example, I recently had a student blame me for being a bad priestess because I
didn’t know she was being abused. This is a student I had met with “maybe” 3-4
times and was just getting to know. How horrible and how violated she would
have felt if I had invaded her privacy and looked, then confronted her about
it. I’ve been battered woman, with police reports detailing my body and
bruises. I know what it is to be a battered woman and sure as hell won’t poke a
student who is actually going through it, and force them to get help, leave or
talk to me. This can actually lead to so much more damage and loss of trust.
However, if a student comes to me with an issue, tells me about it and asked
for help, I will bend over backwards for them. The Priestess is not a life
vest, she is a swim teacher…

This type of Glamour and Enchantment is a cruel magic. There is absolutely NO informed consent in this type of magic. Speaking from my experience as a student, I loved my Priestess so much that it became unhealthy, more of a co-dependent obsession. I was so broken and wanted to be whole, to be wise, smart, and have all the elegant graces of a Priestess that my own Priestess exuded. I took my ideal version of what a
“Priestess is” and placed it on her. She never consented to this and she never
was informed. Rather she was beautifully flawed, in her wholeness, and I warped
that by placing expectations and rules on her that she was not aware of. So
when the day came that she was not perfect, not acting in accordance with my
will, and was going through her own dark night of the soul, she shattered and I
looked at the glass on the floor with distain, disappointment, and failure. I
should have looked at her and said, “You are beautifully whole, you are
beautifully shattered, because one day I will shatter, and I too will be
beautiful and whole just as you are.

Guilty
Say no, early and say it often. Advice recently given to me from Lord Spanish Moss.I am guilty of being too kind and for stuffing my feelings back so that I didn’t “hurt a student’s feelings”. I am guilty for making exceptions to the rules, and then exceptions to those exceptions while still holding other students to the original standard. I am guilty for allowing them to walk on me, and violate and abuse my energy anytime
they damn well pleased and mostly for hoping for them to grow rather than being
truthful to them about their own skill level. I am guilty of accidentally
feeding the glamour, for not saying no more often, and for actually providing
excuse after excuse for bad behavior, laziness and mostly I’m guilty for
wanting to save the “hurt feelings of others” and provide space for everyone. You
can’t hold space for everyone, and you really can’t for people who are out
of control. Say no often, if you say no to a student and are met with a violent
outburst, recommend a good psychologist and walk away from the student; you are
not qualified to help those with mental illness, you are required to send them
to get help, and then help yourself. I know this now…

The Persona
Naming gives power, and while many of use choose to use our craft names as our regular name, some of us don’t and still others change their names. As a Priestess, we were charged with taking up a mantle, the color and charge may be different for each Priestess, but the mantle is similar. Take the Mantle off often. By not observing this practice, it has gotten me into trouble. I was under the impression that I was
the Priestess and that the Priestess was me. That meant no vacation days, or
dealing with student in crisis on my vacation, on the weekends, in the middle
of XYZ, or my son’s sports games. This leads to burn out and fosters the bad
student teacher relationship even more. Take the mantle off often, be you, and
allow yourself MUCH “time off” from being a priestess. You are a Priestess,
the Priestess is not you…

I have been the student that thought my Priestess was perfect and held her in such high esteem that she was on another planet. I also watched her fall and with it my own self. I then was doomed to make the same mistake because I had no idea what was happening to her
or that it could also happen to me. They will put you on a pedestal and each of
them may have their own perfect version of you and this must be dissolved
immediately. It is not healthy for you to carry the weight of the glamour and
it is not healthy for them to be placing such expectations on you because inevitably they will fail.

The Priestess is flawed, imperfect, deficient, and in many cases not nearly as experienced as we perceive them. Or perhaps she is more experienced than what she is able or willing to project. Sometimes through our own arrogance, ego and self-righteousness we think that we are more experienced than the Priestess. This is often when we begin to put unspoken rules and regulations on her and try to force the priestess to act in
our own accordance by bullying, gossip, and slander. Most of the time emphasis
is placed on the priestesses deficiencies to cloud the deep troubles of the
student’s shadows. “If my priestess is bad, it means that I’m right and
therefore I don’t have to look at how nasty my soul is right now.” When this
happens to you as a Priestess, there is nothing you can do about it and trust
me, this will happen to you if you travel down the road of the Priestess for
any significant length of time. You can’t stop it and you can’t change it. You
simply have to hold on and do what you can to take care of yourself during those moments.

The Unhealthy Student/Teacher relationship
A priestess is not a dictator, however she MUST have complete Autonomy over her life, coven/circle, and her student’s course work. She is charged with creating space, courses, rituals, mediations, etc to help others navigate through their own lives. She has no time to “check” if her every move, decision, and action is “ok with” or in “accordance with” the student. She is not a life vest, and is not a slave to her students or coverers wishes and desires. Rather she provides what she can from her own experience, teaching, and all the learning she has done to get her to the place of Priestess. It is a very very thorny path; it requires self-esteem, ego, and humility.

Some will try to force you to create what they want rather than what you are able to give and what you can create. They will then reward you by turning on you and try to destroy you, try to shut you down, stop you from serving your community and gods, because “they” think that they know better; that because you didn’t act in accordance with their will it somehow gives them the impression that it is ok to gossip, tell lies, and
to “have meetings about you to inform others of your actions”. I want to note
here, that the “will” I am speaking of is the ego driven will, and not the
“Will” of the divine heart.  While all of this is uncomfortable, it IS
part of the Priestess Path. Yet, you do not need to stay in this place. Your
instinct might be to lash back in defense, but remember that regardless of who
is right or wrong, they are hurting and their feelings are valid.  Often
the best course of action in the best interest of the Priestess is to remove
yourself from the situation and to not engage their energy. Their actions and
words will be dealt within their own Karmic energy and you do not have to let their words devour you.

Why is broken bad? When we are ALL so broken? Why do we look at someone, who isn’t acting in accordance with our will and throw them under the bus? Or think that because they are not acting in the way we want that we must destroy them to feel better about ourselves? While the situations between what made me shatter and what made my priestess shatter were completely different and can’t even be compared, the result seems similar. A “glamour” about who and what we really are, met with violent outburst from
critics who can’t balance their own live out. When the Persona is removed you
are left with a “Naked and Raw view of the Priestess” and if you can’t handle
me naked, you don’t deserve me clothed. Not only that, if you think your
Priestess should be perfect, act only in accordance with your will and that
anything different is to be destroyed, then you are an abuser. Priestess cut
this out of your life ASAP, it is a worm in the root of your sacred tree; cut
out the worm and the tree grows beautifully.

The thing is that priestess’ are human beings too, let me say that again, Priestess’ are human fucking beings, and they will make mistakes, they will have flaws, and deficiencies. They will
be disappointed in your behavior, they will be angry when then hear you talking
crap about them, and other people and they will be insulted when you try to
tell them how to do their job. Being spiritual and balanced doesn’t mean
perfection; it means for the most part we keep it together and show you how to
do the same. Most Priestess’ will have a peer group that you don’t know about,
that is not affiliated with your group, that they can seek council when they
need help. The student is never to mentor the Priestess, even if they want to.
Not acting in accordance with your students will does not give them permission
to try to destroy you, and spread gossip and vicious slander. If this happens
walk away, walk away from the drama and walk away from the student and refuse
to ever teach them again, and for the LOVE OF ALL THE GODDESSES, DON’T SEND
THEM TO ANOTHER PRIESTESS. Have respect for yourself and fellow priestess’ and
don’t let them try to destroy another one… There is no “gossip goddess” so don’t fucking worship her, don’t play the game, don’t fall victim to the petty nonsense, practice “To Keep Silent” and keep you thoughts and feelings away from this baneful magic…