That Door is Not For You

During the Q&A; at the Chicago Zen Center last Sunday, Sevan asked what I said to people who were considering leaving training. That brought this old Katagiri story to mind and it occurs to me that some blog readers might find it helpful (in a frustrating sort of way) as well.

A monk who had once been an enthusiastic practitioner had lost his way. He was escaping over the wall of the monastery every night, going to the bar and drinking. Next morning he’d wake up at 4:00 a.m. and bob sleepily through zazen and then drag himself resentfully through the day.

Finally, the teacher invited the monk into his six-feet-by-six-feet meeting room and said to him, “Every night you get drunk. Your sitting, chanting, and working have no energy. This is not Zen. If you are not going to train, GET OUT!”

The monk was furious. “Fine! I’ll leave.”

Just as the monk approached the sliding paper-screen door behind him, the teacher shouted, “That door is not for you!”

The monk went to the door to the right. Again the teacher screamed, “That door is not for you!”

The monk went to the door to his left and again the teacher screamed, “That door is not for you.”

Then the monk exploded, “You told me to get out but then you say ‘That door is not for you.’ What should I do?”

Calmly, the master replied, “If you cannot get out, please sit down.”

The monk went on to become the teacher’s successor.

One thing that strikes me from this story is that the monk was put in a situation where he had to either not follow the teachers direction to leave or not follow his direction not to go through each door. Given this double bind, his true colors appeared by the direction he chose not to follow.

It is surprisingly difficult for most people to really get out of Zen. Once the Way Heart begins to open, nothing can hold it back. Therefore, Katagiri Roshi once said, “Don’t stick your nose into Zen Buddhism. If you do, you might not be able to pull it out.”