Do You Feel Affection for Your Life?

A good friend for more than 30 years came out for dinner last night. We first met when we studied together with Katagiri Roshi and our friendship has endured. One of my friend’s great gifts is his capacity to ask questions. And that’s how we became good friends.

In the early 80’s we worked together one day digging some of the post holes for a big tent platform that became the zendo still standing at Hokyoji. We were supposed to work silently but my friend has also excelled at not following all the rules all the time. So he began asking me gentle question after gentle question about my grandparents. The post holes were dug that day in the context of Andrews and Port family reminiscences.

Last night, as we went to the movie theatre to pick up our daughters, he said, “So … do you feel affection for your life?”

Surprised by his question, I confided that I did now, that it was different territory for me, being the type that has pushed hard in this life. It seems that this affection has been one of the great gifts of the last five years or so.

Maybe I’m finally getting somewhere with Zen practice.

More likely, I’ve been in a relationship with a person whose affection for me and her way of being has taught and inspired affection for myself.

Also, failure has been important, like salvation and compassion entangled.