Like an Egret Reflected in the Water … and Self Hatred

I’m back into it today after a wonderful sesshin. Some reflections about that below.

It’s my first day of summer break (wholehearted Whoopee!) so I get to focus work on some dharma projects, futz with the house, enjoy time with my rapidly growing kids (including the advanced practice of dodging teenager mud balls [or getting hit in the back of the head with “equanimity!”] ), connecting with some old friends, and taking a couple vacations too. Ahhh, sweet life.

During this past sesshin we officially suspended direct Dogen reflection, although the old dog kept creeping up on us. Seemed to me that it’d be helpful for us Wild Foxes to see the dharma from a different perspective. As I noted in the last post, I encouraged the observation of the 9 Stages for Calming the Mind and Case 31 of the Gateless Gate, “The Old Woman of Taizan” (see below).

Some might call me a Soto Zen heretic for suggesting the mind calms down in stages, given our sudden school proclivities, with D-z saying that he does not teach step-by-step zazen (although he grew up in the Tendai schools elaborate step-by-stepness), and “from the first dullness and distraction are struck aside,” and all that important stuff.

Suggesting that there are stages in the path also trips many of our self-hatred triggers, so it is delicate material, probably best presented in the context of close teacher-student relationships.

On the first point about me being a heretic, I confess.

And basic zazen instructions are to turn the light around, returning to the breath, the body, the hara, or themelessness – right?

Here’s why I find the 9 stages important. Many people following the above instructions get stuck and don’t understand why. I’ve found through experience and by helping people through these stages that they are a great help to unstick us.

In my view, these 9 stages are just the “natural” way the mind unfolds in calmness and the instructions of the stages subtly inform us how we can turn the light around in successive open spaces. They’re a mind map (like the Wheel of Life tanka) of how to be intimate with the vividly hopping along mind shifting through the 9 stages. They are descriptive as well as prescriptive.

Uninformed shikantaza might well be simply rehearsing our habits, like Bobby singing “the mind has been mismanaged with great skill.”

By the way, a similar system advocated by Hakuin is taught in Rinzai Zen, especially by Harada Shodo Roshi. See this very clearly presented in The Path of Bodhidharma.

If you do want to learn the 9 stages system, I’ve provided a link above. Gen Lamrimpa also has a good book, Calming the Mind. The best way though would be to find some person that can help you. I might be one such person. You are welcome to contact me about this if you like and we could talk … and coming here to practice for sesshin is best.

Now about the point of how self-hatred can keep us stuck and also about insight while the mind is calming down. This sesshin we worked with the Old Woman koan, a multidimensional, delicate koan that describes the Zen path and where each figure in the koan is the self (as per usual):

There was an old woman on Mount Tai path. A monk asked her, “Where is the path to Mount Tai?” The old woman said, “Go straight ahead.” The monk went on. The woman said, “My dear reverend, you too go off like that.” Monks came, one after another, asked the same question, and received the same answer. Later, one of the monks told Zhaozhou about it and Zhaozhou said, “Wait here for awhile. Let me check her out.” He went to the woman and said, “Where is the path to Mount Tai?” The woman said, “Go straight ahead.” Zhaozhou went on. The woman said, “My dear reverend, you too go off like that.” Zhaozhou came back and said to the assembly, “I have checked out that old woman for you.”

Here’s a short synopsis: When we enter the path, it is best if we just keep stepping steadily, just going straight ahead, just returning the breath (or themelessness or whatever subject we’re working with). If we do keep walking, a question will arise, “Is this right practice?” “Is this the way?”

As it often happens, when the question arises, the person to ask the question too also arises. “Drumming and singing spring forth together,” says the old poem. When we ask, the answer comes, “Just go straight ahead.”

And as we follow the directions, we might find a soft, sarcastic voice (and many others too) both of affirmation and doubt that heckles us. “Good job … and off you go, dear.”

As the koan suggests, what is right is hearing the voice and going straight.

If we follow that advice, we might find ourselves finally at home in our life, settling down as the monk did in the koan. Zhaozhou, an ancient mirror wisdom fellow, encourages us to stay put and he totters down the mountain to check out the old woman. In other words, when the mind is really settled, a subtle turning is what’s called for.

As one student realized, the Zhaozhou mind created the old woman mind and less clearly saw how the old woman mind created the Zhaozhou mind.