“Truth with a capital T” is universal. If we are having trouble convincing someone of our “truth,” then it is probably NOT “Truth with a capital T.” (Or maybe we are trying to have a conversation with someone who does NOT want to listen to us, even when we are speaking the Truth.)
A good friend sent me this quote from writer Ernest Hemingway. And it highlights the common thread in whatever success I might have enjoyed as an investment banker and as a spiritual writer. “The most essential gift for a writer is a built-in, shock-proof sh*t detector.” In investment banking, I saw a lot of sh*tty numbers. And in spiritual writing, I see a lot of sh*tty words.
In these divisive times, many of my friends mothballed their social media accounts. They quit attending their churches. And they stopped watching, reading or listening to the national news.
However, others are doubling down. They say that they are entitled to free speech, that they are telling their “truth.” And that their words are NOT harmful, that the harm they inflict is NOT real. At that point, my “built-in, shock-proof sh*t detector” usually starts going off.
We should understand the nature of free speech, harm, privilege, or truth. Otherwise, we might gaslight others and play the victim when (in fact) we are the victimizers, NOT the victims.
What is Free Speech?
The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution prohibits Congress from making laws that abridge the freedoms of speech, press, religion, and assembly and the right to petition the government. Still, while it guarantees the right to express even unpopular or offensive views, there are limits, such as causing harm, defamation, incitement to violence, obscenity and threats.
The amendment restricts the powers of the federal government. It does NOT restrict the powers of companies, individuals, or state and local governments. Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. described a broader legal principle when he said, “Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins.” That is, others’ rights are as important as our own in a civil society.
But we should be concerned about civility, as well as legality. Civility is a broader concept that involves treating others with dignity and respect. Civility requires our discernment and discipline. Rotary International promotes the Four-Way Test: “Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?”
How much of what we think, say or do meets the Four-Way Test? Why would we ever need to think, say or do anything untruthful, unfair, divisive or hurtful? “Truth with a capital T” is universal.
What is Harm?
In the New York Times bestseller How to Know a Person, author and commentator David Brooks writes, “Remember that the person who is lower in any power structure than you are has a greater awareness of the situation than you do.” For example, George Floyd knew that his life was in danger as police officer Derek Chauvin killed him. Chauvin did NOT know or did NOT care.
Think about the times that you have been hurt and the times that you have hurt others. When you were hurt, were you or the person who hurt you best able to determine whether you were hurt? Think about the times that you have apologized or the times that someone has apologized to you. When someone apologized to you, did it seem sincere when they said, “I’m sorry, but…”?
And when someone says, “I’m sorry, but…” and then they explain or justify or rationalize the behavior that hurt you, did that feel like a real apology or like a conditional and defensive response? That is, do you think that there is a difference between saying, “I’m sorry that I hurt you?” and “I’m sorry that you took it that way?” Me too.
What is Privilege?
In How to Know a Person, Brooks described two lessons that he learned while serving on a panel discussion with a Black woman. He writes, “Because of where I work and all the other advantages that have been bestowed upon me as a White guy in America, society conspires to make me visible. Because of my co-panelist’s social coordinates, society conspires to make her invisible.”
But when White men recognize their privilege, they are NOT acknowledging that life was easy for them, that things were handed to them or that they did not deserve whatever they earned. Instead, they are acknowledging that because of their relative affluence, maleness and whiteness, they may NOT have encountered the same obstacles as others.
Of course, NOT all White men were affluent, and NOT all Black women were impoverished. But, generally, maleness and whiteness provide more advantages than disadvantages in our society.
Brooks continues, “I saw the culture war as one thing and wanted to analyze it from the detached perspective a journalist is trained to adopt. She saw the culture war entirely differently—as an assault on basic justice. She didn’t want to analyze it from a detached point of view; she wanted to communicate it as an activist in the middle of the fight.”
In many situations, a Black person, an LGBTQ+ person, a Muslim, a poor person or a woman probably has a very different lived human experience than a rich, straight White Christian man. And do we ever have conversations about Black people, LGBTQ+ people, immigrants, poor people or women without them? If so, then how can we ever hope to understand their perspectives?
What is Truth?
In The Way, I distinguish between the truth in a particular tradition, which is individual, and “Truth with a capital T,” which is universal. There is a big difference between my truth or your truth and The Truth. The Truth is evident for anyone willing to recognize it. “Do not seek the truth; only cease to cherish opinions” is one of my favorite Zen sayings.
We do NOT need to convince people that the sun is shining. If we are having trouble convincing people that (for example) trans women are not women, maybe we are NOT talking about The Truth. Maybe we are talking about our “truth,” which might be very different from a trans person’s truth. Complex issues are rarely black-and-white. I wrote about that here.
From a detached point of view, it is easy to be casual about our language if we are NOT directly impacted. We might say that they’re “just words.” But, from an engaged point of view, some words carry more weight than others for someone who is directly impacted. They’re NOT just words; they’re weapons that remind us of previous injustices, trespasses and wounds.
“Truth with a capital T” is universal. If we are having trouble convincing someone of our “truth,” then it is probably NOT “Truth with a capital T.” (Or maybe we are trying to have a conversation with someone who does NOT want to listen to us, even when we are speaking the Truth.)
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