Black-and-White and Gray All Over

Complex issues are rarely black-and-white. Further, many seemingly straightforward issues are actually complex issues, riddled with ambiguities, exceptions and paradoxes.

My Zen practice helps me to get along with people who see the world differently than I do. Generally, I avoid people looking for a fight, and I seek out people looking for common ground.

Whenever I have a difficult interaction, in person or online, I can usually determine that one (or both) of us is unable to appreciate another perspective, to look beyond our beliefs to the facts, and/or to see the ambiguities, complexities and paradoxes in our Technicolor universe.

Everyone Thinks that Their Beliefs are “Normal”

Politically, I’m a blue guy in a red state, which means that many of my family members and friends see the world much differently than I do. Spiritually, I’m a follower of Jesus with a Zen practice, which means that many of the people I meet see the world much differently than I do.

When our beliefs lie outside the cultural norms, then it can help to understand the cultural norms, so that we can connect the dots between our beliefs and other people’s beliefs. Unfortunately, many people who think that they conform to the cultural norms make no effort to connect the dots or to understand other people’s beliefs.

But what are the cultural norms, and who conforms to them? Of course, cultural norms are relative.

If you are an Evangelical Christian in Texas, you might think that most people believe what you believe. About one-third of Texans believe what you believe. About one-quarter of Americans believe what you believe. Less than 10 percent of the people in the world believe what you believe.

Are my views outside the cultural norms, or are your beliefs outside the cultural norms? What is “normal?” My beliefs and norms might differ dramatically from your beliefs and norms.

“Back in My Day…”

Recently, I visited a homebound friend who watches Fox News all day. He wanted to talk about the problems of the world, starting with transgender people, whose gender identity is different from the sex that the person was assigned at birth. Fortunately, I know some transgender people. They are NOT a problem for me (or anyone else), and this is NOT an abstract conversation for me.

“Back in my day,” my friend said, “Men were men, and women were women. Men had penises, and women had vaginas. End of discussion.” That seems pretty black-and-white. But, not so fast.  Most scientists agree that gender identity is a spectrum, that gender might NOT conform to sex, and that gender is significant, whether it is a physical or psychological phenomenon.

And sex? Today, we know that sex is NOT as binary as we once thought. And we realize that there may NOT be actual biological “bright lines” between the sexes, unless we create them ourselves. The most common definition of a person’s sex is the sex “assigned at birth.” But this is the subjective opinion of one doctor who checks the “male” box or the “female” box on a birth certificate.

Now, between one in 1,000 and one in 5,000 babies are born with ambiguous genitalia. Although most people either have a penis or a vagina, some do NOT. So it is not black-and-white, after all.  Here is how artificial intelligence (AI) defines the other biological differences between men and women:

• • Chromosomes: Typically, females have two X chromosomes, and males have one X and one Y chromosome.
  • Hormones: Hormonal profiles differ, though both sexes have both hormones.
  • Body composition: On average, men have more lean muscle mass, while women have more body fat. 
  • Physical traits: There are average differences in strength, bone density, and hair distribution. 

Ambiguous… typically… both sexes have both hormones… on average…  Some people do NOT have the same genitalia as most people with their identified sex. And some people do NOT have the same chromosomes as most people with their identified sex. Some women have more male hormones than some men. And some women are leaner and stronger than some men.

Complex Issues are Rarely Black-and-White

Is there a biological “bright line” between men and women? If so, what is it? Which traits are most significant, and how do we resolve situations where different traits suggest different answers?  Obviously, these gray areas raise theological questions for those who believe that a creator God made two distinct sexes with two separate roles.

Some (but not most) scientists agree that biological sex is a spectrum, too. These scientists point to the existence of intersex people, who do NOT fit typical definitions of male and female, and to the diversity of biological traits among (as well as between) males and females. Those who believe that there is a biological “bright line” either concede or ignore these exceptions to the “rule.”

This reminds me of the race conversation. Many scholars agree that there is only one race, the human race, and that the differences among “races” are larger than the differences between “races.” We all descended from “Y-chromosome Adam” and “Mitochondrial Eve.” Like the sexes, there may NOT be actual biological “bright lines” between the “races,” unless we create them ourselves.

So it is NOT as simple as it seems. In The Way, I wrote, “In a black-and-white Newtonian world, there are no paradoxes. But in a Technicolor quantum universe, there are paradoxes all around us.” I wrote about understanding opposing views here. The next time that we make an absolute, black-and-white declaration, we might ask ourselves the following questions:

1. Do we assume that our beliefs are normative, or do we grant others the same respect that we expect ourselves?
2. Do we hold our beliefs as if they are facts, NOT beliefs, or do we realize that reasonable people can disagree?
3. Do we reduce a Technicolor phenomenon to a black-and-white rendering, or do we recognize ambiguities, exceptions and paradoxes?

Complex issues are rarely black-and-white. Further, many seemingly straightforward issues are actually complex issues, riddled with ambiguities, exceptions and paradoxes.

The Art of the Deal

Even if we acknowledge each other’s beliefs, know that our beliefs are NOT facts, and recognize the ambiguities, exceptions and paradoxes that exist, we might still be spoiling for a fight. Sadly, our society is deeply divided, highly individualistic, and increasingly pugnacious. Many people attribute this to our divisive, narcissistic, and quarrelsome leaders, starting at the top.

I was in a transactional business where I only got paid when I closed deals. So I learned how to close deals. Contrary to popular belief, the “art of the deal” does NOT involve bludgeoning. Actually, the art of the deal involves compromise, which requires understanding the opposing position as well as you understand your own position. “Win-win” deals are the deals most likely to close.

Bludgeoners have short careers as dealmakers. Unless they rely on inheritance or “other people’s money,” they run out of rope. Often, they leave a trail of bankruptcies,  divorces, and opponents. Generally, I avoid people looking for a fight, and I seek out people looking for common ground. Usually, these people are the compromisers, NOT the bludgeoners.

My Zen practice helps me to get along with people who see the world differently than I do. One of the Zen patriarchs said, “Do not seek the truth; only cease to cherish opinions.” Often, the thing separating us from the truth is our own inability to appreciate another perspective, to look beyond our beliefs to the facts, and to see the big picture in our Technicolor universe.

Complex issues are rarely black-and-white. Further, many seemingly straightforward issues are actually complex issues, riddled with ambiguities, exceptions and paradoxes.