My actual life is ephemeral, finite and fleeting. That’s the point. That’s why it’s meaningful, precious and worthwhile. The Buddhists realize that pain and suffering are NOT the same thing. That is, pain is universal and unavoidable. Suffering arises from craving, notably longings or regrets about the past and hopes and fears about the future.
So I do NOT need to imagine a future, eternal life. To me, it’s a distracting speculation that pulls me out of the here and now. One of my Zen teachers refers to musings about the past and the future as “uncontrollable, self-referential time traveling,” which is a really insightful and memorable phrase. (The imagined life may be actual, just as we imagine, but does it distract from here and now?)
I wrote about the afterlife here. I assert that most people care more about whether there is an afterlife than about whether there is a God. No God? No worries. But, no afterlife? Aargh, no hope!!
So I expected that the column would generate comments. It did. I am a reporter, NOT an apologist or a polemicist. My writing is NOT meant to convert or deconvert, to persuade or unpersuade. Hopefully, my writing asks interesting questions and offers possible answers that provoke thought. As long as the comments are respectful, I appreciate receiving them, whether we agree or not.
“I Just Want to Listen to Music, Dance a Little and See a Few Places…”
My friend, Pat Green, posted a comment that was astute, poignant, and well-written. Pat’s comment may be the most bittersweet and emotive piece that I will read all month. (And I read a lot!!) Pat is an accomplished columnist, documentarian and freelance photojournalist. He is the author of the Hearts of Glass series about coming-of-age in the 1980s.
“The other night, my girlfriend and I were watching a documentary about WLIR. It was a little radio station with a weak signal in Long Island. We might never have heard of U2, The Cure, The Smiths, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, The Clash, The B-52s, Blondie, Joan Jett, New Order and so many others without them.
“A few miles away from this little hard-to-get station was a rathole club called CBGB’s. I am watching about these pioneers who loved the music that gave me peace when I was going through hell, while sitting next to this woman who loves me, whom I wish I had met sooner in this life, but I will enjoy what time I have left.
“And I cried a little and also laughed because for whatever reason I got this gift of being alive at the same time my girlfriend is alive and at the same time a tiny radio station constantly pissed off the big markets and the FCC, near a little club that let anyone take the stage that was always one step away from being shut down by the city for code violations.
“I don’t want this to end, and I think about the end far more than I should. But my conclusion that this is all there is makes it all the more precious. When I am done with the last book in the series, I will have said all that I want to say to the world, and then I am just gonna spend what is left with my girlfriend, my son and some good friends.
“I just want to listen to music, dance a little, and see a few places I have not seen.”
My actual life is ephemeral.
“I Would Fall into Hopeless Nihilism…”
Several readers feared they would fall into nihilism if they believed there was no afterlife. They said things like, “Is that all there is? If there is no afterlife, then why are we wasting our time here?” Nihilism is an increasingly popular topic in spiritual circles, and writers whom I respect, like Brittney Hartley and Jim Palmer, are writing about nihilism.
I understand how people can fall into nihilism, as we face the crumbling of our political and religious institutions, as well as existential crises such as climate change, nuclear wars, and pandemics. But I did NOT fall into nihilism when I lost my belief in eternal life. Instead, I transformed from a single-minded investment banker to an open-hearted and open-minded spiritual seeker.
That means I cry more, and I laugh more. I have more depth, joy, and meaning in my life. I have more friends and deeper friendships. In fact, my adult children noticed the change and exclaimed, “Whatever you did, more people should do it!!” I find meaning in the moment. My actual life is ephemeral, finite and fleeting. That’s the point.
I feel awe, gratitude, reverence, and a sense of responsibility just to be alive, no matter if I was created or evolved, and no matter if I cease to exist or if I continue to exist in some form. For me, there is meaning all around us, in our connection to everyone and everything, in our relationality. Relationality is a fact of life, and it is accessible to all of us in community and in nature.
To me, the interconnectedness of our lived human experience offers a real sense of security, compared to the seemingly false sense of security that an imagined afterlife offers.
There is Meaning All Around Us
I write about interconnectedness. “When you get that point, and when it changes you and your spiritual practice, then your belief system is secondary.” Jim Palmer writes about existential health. “Not a theory. Not a philosophy. And not a new system to adopt. A way of being that can hold the weight of existence without collapsing into certainty, avoidance, or dependency.”
Nobody knows what happens when we die. Whatever we believe about the afterlife, our actual life is where the rubber hits the road. It matters. Right here. Right now. My actual life is ephemeral.
As I was responding to readers’ comments, I shared the trail with a bobcat on my way to see my grandsons. There is meaning all around us. As long as I live and breathe, my life will be meaningful. That’s my promise to myself and to those who know my heart or read my words or share my path.
My spiritual journey, especially my Zen practice, has always focused on seeing the world as it is, NOT as we hope it might be. I do NOT think that our lives have to be eternal to be meaningful. Also, I do NOT expect to be remembered by too many people for too long, and I am NOT troubled by that realization. Almost 120 billion human beings have lived. How many do you remember?
It seems more nihilistic to believe that our actual, mortal lives would be meaningless if our imagined, eternal lives do NOT exist than to believe that our imagined, eternal lives do NOT exist. Would we really prefer to believe that our brief time on this big, beautiful planet is merely a preview trailer to the “real” movie? I believe that it is actually a precious and remarkable gift.
My Actual Life is Ephemeral
Recently, I read that, “You can leave religion, but it can’t leave you.” Unfortunately, even people who have left religion can be haunted by some of the notions that their religion implanted in them. In my opinion, the seemingly comforting notion that we will somehow survive our physical deaths has actually been among the most discomforting notions. To me, it’s a distracting speculation.
Belief in gods can be a means to an end, with the “end” being eternal life, for many people. Would our lives be better if we focused on this actual, mortal life, rather than an imagined, eternal life?
Belief in gods can reinforce the hope that the Universe is just and that God will mete out justice. Would our lives be better if we fixed our world ourselves, rather than hoping for God to fix it?
Like Pat Green, I find meaning in enjoying my family and friends, listening to music, and walking in the park. It’s likely all we get. And if this is all that there is, that’s OK. In fact, it’s more than OK. My actual life is ephemeral, finite and fleeting. That’s the point. That’s why it’s meaningful, precious and worthwhile. And that’s why I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can, as long as I can.
Whatever we believe about the afterlife, our actual life is where the rubber hits the road. It matters. Right here. Right now.
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