Sexy in Context Is Holy

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the young women love you! Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. (Song of Songs 1:2-4)

For Catholics, sex is so much more than the mere bodily pleasures our consumerist culture promotes and exploits for profit. For us, sex is the stuff of heaven. It is sacred, and beautiful. And very romantic.

We humans are not just bodies, but spirit and flesh, and the two have equal dignity in the eyes of God. When we make love to each other within the holy bond of marriage, God is present and powerful. It is something pure and pleasurable, enhancing our attachment to each other, renewing the marriage covenant, and opening us to new life.

Sex in its proper context affirms the trust and reverence explicit in our commitment to each other.

But why limit the use of sex if it's so wonderful?

In recent years, a series of teachings by Blessed John Paul II now known collectively as his Theology of the Body, has broken open the 2,000-year-old Catholic appreciation of human sexuality more clearly than ever before, illuminating its meaning, purpose, and proper context in ways that completely destroy the myth of casual sex as romance.

In response to the degradation of sex that is rampant in modern culture, Christians are taking notice and singing the praises of the Church's singular and transcendent teachings on the subject, which highlight the greater purpose of our lives beyond mere passing pleasures.

As Christopher West puts it, in Theology of the Body for Beginners " order to understand the Church's teaching on sexual morality, we need to view it in light of a total vision of man and of his vocation. Who is man? Why does he exist and what is he destined for?"

The simple answer to that question is: heaven. In God's plan of salvation, we are called to the Beatific Vision, an everlasting and exquisitely joyful communion with God himself. We are destined for a kind of holy and unsurpassed intimacy that "eye has not seen and ear has not heard".

And so it is to God and to the mysteries of heaven that we look for answers about sex. It is in the example of Christ's sacrificial love, and in Mary, our perfect model of loving obedience and holy purity, that we find guidance for all our human relationships. And in the seemingly paradoxical way of profound truths, it is in purity and obedience to the ways of God that we discover mind-blowing, beautiful, meaningful sex.

But what does purity have to do with sex?

I believe it was St. Josemaría Escrivá who said that with an increase of purity our capacity to love also increases. Consider that statement and then reflect on what you watch and read, the words you speak, the clothes you wear, and so on. We all have to seriously consider the possibility that cleaning up our acts might open our hearts and our marriages to a greater abundance of love.

Purity is essential to love. It is a virtue and must be practiced. As married people, our every word, our every touch must signify to our spouses that they are more to us than just bodies; they are precious and immortal souls belonging to God.

An absence of purity destroys our peace and makes it impossible to think of anyone but ourselves. Impurity has an obsessive, addictive quality that withers our sensitivity and empathy for others.

But it's tough to keep our hearts and minds pure. We live in the world, don't we? And we're surrounded by smutty ads and tabloid scandals that reduce our holy and beautiful sexuality to something twisted and degrading. With the tragic explosion of men and women addicted to internet pornography, and the soft-porn standards of most television and film these days, true romantic love is trending downwards fast.

I look at classic movies from the 1940's and, so often, the whole romantic story line builds to one monumental kiss. Fairly often a wedding is implied in the near future. But you never see that kind of restraint or erotic power in films any more. I hate to sound as old as I'm getting, but these days movies have no class and no soul.

You want to know what I think is really, really romantic?

Last week a friend asked for prayers for her elderly dad. He'd been caring for his wife, who had Alzheimer's, for many years. It had been arduous, heartbreaking, lonely work. But now that the beautiful girl he married so long ago was nearing the end of her life, he was going to pieces at the thought of losing her. He just couldn't imagine letting her go.

11/1/2011 4:00:00 AM
  • Catholic
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  • Lisa Mladinich
    About Lisa Mladinich
    Lisa Mladinich is a Catholic wife and mother, catechist and workshop leader, and the author of the popular booklets, "Be An Amazing Catechist: Inspire the Faith of Children," and "Be an Amazing Catechist: Sacramental Preparation" available from Our Sunday Visitor. She is the founder of