I woke up before the crest of the dawn with a deep missing. Curled up in the darkness, I allowed the tears to flow into waves of sobs. Missing loved ones moved away, and some moved into the other world. Missing those I loved with my all, but who stomped on my tenderness only to become a stranger. Missing those who’ve simply moved on with their lives while I moved on with mine.
I wiped my face, put on lipstick, and tried to breathe out my own missing as I made my way to the office. Bringing through connections, met with lots of tears from all of us. So much loss, and lots of missing. I could only hope that I could absorb their missing for just some moments.Making my way home my heart re-remembers my morning’s missings and all I want to do is find some refuge, but my home is filled with chaos of home renovations. Before even sitting down after a day of work; hungry, tired, and empty, I’m bombarded with stresses of this, that, and more. Despite asking for a moment of reprieve, the droll of lists and criticism is dumped at my feet to take care of.
But today I’m emptier than empty. The shards of glass cut deep when you think you’ve removed all the pieces. But the heart keeps beating, only takes a new rhythm. And life moves on and we get a chance to learn how to hide the sharp edges of the glass all over again. I sometimes simply smile through the tears. And sometimes I put the blanket over my head and let the moments drown me.