Avari-Nameh on the ‘Desi X-Men’

Thank goodness I’d just visited the mensroom, ’cause this really could have made me soil myself.

avari: desi x-men

Imagine the X-Men superhero mythology was set in the Subcontinent, instead of the United States. What would some of the mutant characters be? 

The Human Lota. When nature calls, genes intervene. His right hand turns into a lota, and then, once the washing is done, provides blow drying and hand washing capabilities. Just think of the range of this superhero mutant: He can now travel anywhere without fear for maintaining his ritual purity.

Here are a few candidates, which I don’t have time to develop now:

special power(s):

  • can instantly absorb infinite amounts of joy and humor from the air around him, making even a stadium full of drunk MegaBucks winners deadly serious and anxious about their financial solvency;
  • able to transform any young women’s clothing into a nun’s habit within a semester with his incredible disapproving stare;
  • able to have extended concurrent conversations with multiple modestly dressed Muslim women without ever looking them in the eye; and
  • able to live in two parallel universes at once (e.g., Muslim Men’s World, a relaxed resort where Muslim men mix freely with anybody they wish, including immodestly dressed non-Muslim women in the name of dawah; and Planet Purdah, a desolate outpost on the edge of the galaxy where Muslim women are only visible to their husbands, parents, children and all Muslim men).

The Incredible Arab Wannabe

The DaktarKaBeta twins (male & female)

Tablighi Man

Finally an intellectual challenge worthy of me.  Need to free up my calendar to give this the proper attention.

This could be a new genre of fan fiction and there opportunities for other lists (e.g., "YanniMan" for the Arab X-Men) are endless.

I think this looks like a job for Omer Muzaffar. Calling Omer Muzaffar.  Desi-dom needs your help.

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