“Over 30 and Unmarried – Breaking a Stalemate”

Check out this brave, touching and thoughtful essay by a friend of mine on the challenges facing unmarried Muslim women over 30.

This and a host of related issues need to be widely discussed in the community.

(reposted due to bad link)

  • noemail@noemail.com

    She is stupid like so many other women. Women in their 20s are arrogant and think life revolves around them. The reason they are unmarried over 30 is that they waited it out in their 20s thereby creating fitnah for men who were looking to get married in their 20s. I mean let’s be serious here: waiting or searching for 10 years (20 to 30) and not finding anybody suitable (being picky), not making the first move so as to save their own pride and feelings and letting men take all the humiliation, and not being serious in their 20s is exactly what they are going to get: a single life in their 30s. I will take a divorced woman who married in her 20s and now in her 30s as it proves to some extent that she was not the cold hearted selfish – me me and me type of girl in her 20s. It is just that she was unlucky and her first marriage did not work out. That is how Khadijah was. she was divorced when prophet married her. Ten years is a long time given by Allah in this short life of a few decades to look for someone suitable and failure to do so or holding out during this period creates enormous problems for men of similar age to do fitnah. If women don’t care about their men in their 20s then come 30s we will not care about you. You will have no share in our wealth or gaurdianship.
    What goes around comes around.
    This phenomenon is going to go mainstream. So many women in their 20s are arrogant, irresponsible, and holding out marriage for men for a good ten years that come a few more years they will be entering their 30s unmarried. Then they will be desperate and will bring the example of Khadijah to emotionally blackmail guys into marrying them when it is similar guys they rejected in their 20s which have now somehow become suitable.
    Khadijah was a nice woman who wasn’t cold hearted and did not hold out all during her 20s because she couldn’t find someone who she did not click with or did not find the spark or did not find chemistry. Khadijah was somebody who did not find the prophet later marrying more wives, one of which was a lot younger than him.
    How many women who shout out the example of Khadijah will meet her in her good manners, compassion and sharing her husband with other women a lot younger than him?
    I rest my case. Cherry picking good examples from Islam for your own good and not telling the whole story selfish, corrupt and shows a rotten personality.

  • http://akramsrazor.typepad.com svend

    I’m sorry, but you’re out of your depth.
    Try listening a little to what women are dealing with.
    A lot of Muslim men in this country expect to have their cake and eat it to when it comes to gender relations, being individualistic and untraditional in all sorts of ways while demanding that women stick to traditional roles (and punishing those who make simliar choices to their own).
    As usual, women are expected to embody traditional values while men are allowed to pragmatically adapt to the world around them. I’ll have no part of that hypocrisy.