Why I Am Catholic!

Frank Weathers, from the ever brilliant and ever holy blog Why I Am Catholic, was brave enough to let me guest post about why I personally am Catholic. I am immensely grateful to him.go HERE if thou pleaseth.Or stay right here and check out the newest SprayMarian installment, that highly noble institution.Whatever you do, know that your Lord loves you, that the whole Church is behind you, that our Mother is interceding for you, and that nothing but eternal joy awaits the followers of … [Read more...]

More News From the Fast Food Front

So in case you missed it, I work in a violently religious fast food setting. To keep you updated, and happy, I bring to you the following absolutely real excerpts. You saw them here first, bad Catholics.My Korean friend: (behind me, making food) "So what about babies that die before being baptized, do they go to hell?"Me: (washing dishes) "No, because they are innocent and God is merciful."Her: "I agree."Me: "Same with adults."Her: "What?"Me: "You know, if an adult is innocent and has never been … [Read more...]

As Promised!

The rules video for a retreat my friends and I are running. Unprofessional and ridiculous, it might be the best thing ever:Also, I plan on releasing a series of, er, sermons by Spaniel Biter on this blog, so look out for them. … [Read more...]

This Place Is Crazy

With apologies to the various back-to-nature promoters of whose fervor knows no equal; we aren’t natural people. And this isn't a natural world.On the contrary, we’ve lived in a supernatural world with supernatural souls for so long that we’ve decided it natural, and thus boring, when nothing could be further from the truth. We are a book read twice, and the antidote to this monotonous re-read can only be a third read. Then we will see ourselves for the first time, in the shining light of … [Read more...]

Sin When It Lacks

I'm very, very excited that I get to give a talk at my parish's high-school retreat. My talk is on forgiveness and reconciliation. And, as I've been thinking/praying about this, a big thing that's been coming up is the John Paul II quote posted in a comment by http://brilliantzenith.wordpress.com/, on Pictures of Naked Women. Here it is again:Did I mention that your boy goes hard?I bet he listens to Polish trance-core whileskiing. That or Gregorian chant."The problem with pornography is not … [Read more...]

Joyful!

The Annunciation.The Visitation.The Nativity.The Presentation in the Temple.The Finding in the Temple.I was thinking, as I am apt to do, of a cool metaphorical meaning one might get from these fantastic mysteries of the Rosary. They could be easily seen as a solid 5-part lesson on life in the Holy Spirit.1. The Annunciation. Our Lord asks Mary to bear His Son, and Mary says yes, saving us all. There's enough meditation on this incredible moment in human history - the deus ex … [Read more...]

Doubt.

First of all, many apologies for my prolonged vacation. I wanted to get my life in order so I wouldn't feel quite so hypocritical posting calls to holiness. It's not in order, but it's better, which is really the story of holiness, and what it means to be a bad Catholic. It's all screwed up, but it's better. That sounded depressing. My bad. Anyhow, this post is for a girl who has a profoundly special place in my heart, to the point where I cannot recall a day spent in the last two years … [Read more...]

Wine When It Is Red

It was truthfully said that if Catholicism had not elevated wine to a sacrament, another religion would have. But as it turns out, it is Catholicism that heightens the romance of things over their physical nature, and so of course it is in our fantastic Church that wine is God. What a radical statement that is! And yet how understandable. It's as if the world was preparing for wine to become salvation. Actually, if you'll forgive the stream of consciousness, let me correct myself: The world … [Read more...]

Snow When It is White

Chesterton tirelessly noted that we could look at a thing a millions times and never see what it truly is. How incredible and terrible would a snowy day be if seen through new eyes? Everything drowned in white, the ground as bright as the sun, everything stopped, everything muffled, as if the world were a bad-tempered child cleverly subdued and restrained with a fluffy white blanket. Indeed, when it snows our broken world receives a virginal purity it never deserved; it is graced with a covering … [Read more...]

Likely Places

Blogs are stupid, mostly because of this:But also because of the word blog. It just sounds immature. The worst subtitle for a blog, ever, ever, ever would be as follows: Random Musings on Finding God in Unlikely Places. I will mock the crap out of that blog if I ever find it.Anyways, my point is - though like most of my points, it comes a little late - that many Christians have a habit of expressing the desire to find God in unlikely places, and I think it is a little silly. So silly, in fact, … [Read more...]


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