So You Think I’m a Homemaker?

Six months ago, I bought a big whiteboard to function as a chore chart. On Saturday, I finally put it up. After it was up for 24 hours, I couldn’t handle the big, rectangular blankness of it, so I began designing a chore chart for my wee hellions minions. The first four drafts were based [Read More...]

An Eye for an Eye

Last night, I was on the phone with Charlotte’s godfather, whining about how I’m sick again, with a horrible sore throat, and how the Ogre has to work every night, and how everything is a study in tragedy — then Liam threw a package of paper towels at my face. I was annoyed, and told [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre: “So, are you still ovulating?” Me: ” ‘Still’? Babe, do you even know how ovulation works?” The Ogre: “I know you guys shove an egg down a conveyor belt or something and I have to wait until it falls off the other end.” Me: “Wow. No wonder it took us 10 years to [Read More...]

The Super Sublimation of NFP

This is how I feel about NFP today. Just a few years ago, though, I wrote a post about how NFP sucks. I meant every word of that post. I still mean every word of that post. But now I have experienced a counterpoint to NFP’s magnificent suckery, and I think I should tell you [Read More...]

Epic Wedding Crasher

I am suddenly obsessed with the idea of renting a Maleficent costume and trolling wedding receptions just for fun. At least then they’ll know it’s true love, right? [Read more...]

It’s About the Family, Not the Food

When I was a kid, all the way from middle school to high school, I had three best friends. We called ourselves the “fearsome foursome” and did ridiculous things like go see Hanson in concert at 8 am on a school day and crash a golf cart in an ill-conceived attempt at joyriding. We grew [Read More...]

A Quick PSA About Screwing

Yesterday was Lincoln’s birthday. He turned two. He had no clue what was happening, he had no expectations, and he had no capacity for disappointment. His long-suffering Dada, however was another story. I’m not the greatest at planning ahead for birthdays…or really even remembering them. The girls’ are easy, because they’re a week apart, right [Read More...]

And On the Seventh Day, God Released the Kraken

Charlotte and I got a rare couple of hours alone in the car this morning, and as always with Charlotte, our conversation was both terrifying and delightful. Charlotte: “Mommy, what day is today?” Me: “Today is Monday. It’s the start of a new week!” Charlotte: “So today is the first day?” Me: “Yep, that’s right. [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre (snarkily): “How’s your Manhattan?” Me: “It’s delicious. I love Manhattans. What’s wrong with a Manhattan?” The Ogre: “It’s just sort of an old person’s drink.” Me: “No way! Manhattans are the new hotness.” The Ogre: “You’re the new hotness, babe. The Manhattan is not.” [Read more...]

Death Owns a Wasted Kingdom

Christendom has fallen. It is no more. It isn’t fatalistic to say that. It isn’t hopeless to admit it. It’s a good thing to realize when and where we are in history, so we can do what is being asked of us right now. These people aren’t our enemies. We shouldn’t fear them or fight [Read More...]

An Open Letter to My Mother, Regarding Her Gymnophobia

Dear Mom, I know things have been rough between us lately. I know that you have been been emotionally volatile about the direction I’ve chosen to take my life. I understand that you don’t agree with it and that you would prefer I go in a more “socially acceptable” direction. But this is not a [Read More...]

Poop and Charity

I learned something really important today: a good friend lets you clean up your own messes. Not all the time, maybe. And not in totality. But it’s actually charitable to let someone take care of their own shite. Literally, in this case. Today I went next door to have coffee with my friend and let [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

Saturday night The Ogre: “Babe, I love you, but we have to be up in five and a half hours. We must stop talking and go to bed.” Me: “I know! I know it’s super late and we’re both super tired. I just really, really love hanging out with you.” The Ogre: “Trust me, I [Read More...]

Pope to Preside over Marriage of Really Bad Sinners

Among the men and women Pope Francis was set to unite in marriage were Catholics who have been living together as well as couples who already have children.The pope, who is the bishop of Rome, will preside over his first wedding ceremony as pontiff during a nuptial Mass in St. Peter’s Basilica Sept. 14. The [Read More...]

Late to Love and Audio Divina

Sam Rocha sent me an advance copy of Late to Love at the beginning of August. Unlike 99% of reviews I write, this one is not shamefully late because I totally forgot about the review material until I unearthed it from a stack of mail I had been carefully avoiding. I stuck the cd in [Read More...]