Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre: "Charlotte, how was taekwondo?"Charlotte: "It was awesome! I learned an ass kick!"Me: "I think you mean an AXE kick."The Ogre: "Hahahahahahahaha no, she had it right the first time." … [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

(over dinner)The Ogre: "Every time you smile at me, I imagine you picking up that steak knife and stabbing me."Me: "Hahahahaha that's so funny! That's the same thing I'm imagining!"The Ogre: "...."Me: "..."The Ogre: "..."Me: "Happy anniversary, though."The Ogre: "Wait, what day is this?" Happy anniversary to my sparring partner. May you continue to pull your punches and pretend that you're not for years to come, or until I surpass you with my mad … [Read More...]

How Pokemon Go Saved My Summer

I'm not very good at sticking to a schedule. I know this is the least shocking news ever to anyone who read my blog regularly before my posting became so irregular, but anyway, it's true. It's especially true this summer.Usually in the summer we go to Texas, which is great for me because I'm forced to adopt the schedule of whoever we stay with. Since we alternate between my parents and the Ogre's parents, this is a schedule created by responsible adults, which I deeply appreciate.This … [Read More...]

How Pokemon Go Saved My Summer

I'm not very good at sticking to a schedule. I know this is the least shocking news ever to anyone who read my blog regularly before my posting became so irregular, but anyway, it's true. It's especially true this summer.Usually in the summer we go to Texas, which is great for me because I'm … [Read More...]

Moving Blues

Oh man, I realize now that the picture in my last post is less humorous and more alarming, given that it was followed by an extended absence with no explanation. I promise I did not drink myself under the table. We just moved.Actually, we moved twice. We moved to a temporary place and then to a … [Read More...]

If You’re Wondering How My Whole 30 Is Going

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Shitstorm

Last week ended in a literal shitstorm.First, there was all kinds of crazy stuff going on with the selling of the house (the bold is the best I can do to communicate the doomsday music that plays in my head every time I think about it). Then there was a very long conversation with a student loan … [Read More...]

Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre: "What's wrong?"Me: *sob* "Nothing. I don't want to talk about it, because I really need to be a grown-up and just learn to deal with my own spectacular failures at life, and everything."The Ogre: "..."Me: "Plus, you won't be able to fix it because it's my own stupid … [Read More...]

A Miraculous Machine

YOU GUYS.A man just came to my house and brought me a machine that washes my dishes for me.Sounds crazy, right? But here's proof:Truly, there is nothing like spending nearly a month without a dishwasher to make you realize that we live in the future, and it absolutely is all it's … [Read More...]

Stormageddon Ascendeth

Introducing Isaac Christopher Charles Alexander, born on Thursday, January 21 at 1:03 pm. He is huge -- 8 lbs, 14 oz. Whoever guessed that he'd be 9 lbs was pretty much dead on, which is a pound and a half bigger than any of my other babies. He's also the calmest, squishiest, and most precious … [Read More...]

In Memory of My Godfather

Yes, I am still pregnant. We had a false alarm last Thursday night, and later that same night my godfather died, so I haven't been feeling very bloggy.I'm not going to lie, it really sucks to be due any minute at the same time that someone extremely dear to me has died. Practically, it's … [Read More...]

Having Faith in the Midst of Fear

Well, we had an exciting weekend.On Thursday evening I had a talk with our pediatrician, who was VERY CONCERNED that we were choosing to have the baby at a birth center. Normally I would just brush aside concerns about uterine rupture and oxygen deprivation, not because I'm an idiot or anything, … [Read More...]

Virtual Baby Shower for Really Real, Really Big Baby

37.5 years weeks pregnant today. People keep asking me how I'm feeling, and because it's impolite to answer, "like a bowling ball is about to fall out of of my ladyparts", I keep asking them if they've read Midnight's Children. Mostly they haven't -- which is awkward, because then I have to explain … [Read More...]

Minion Monday

So, my kids are pretty freakin' fantastic. I know this, but sometimes they are all so awesome at the same time that I get overwhelmed by it, and have to write it down. These are just a few moments of their adorableness in the last 12 hours.Last night, 8 pmThe minions (jumping out of a … [Read More...]

The Most Essential Thing New Mothers Need

Well, Christmas break is nearly over - thank. the. Lord.It's not that I don't love spending time with my kids - I really, really do. (I might love the luxury of not setting an alarm even more.)¬† Nevertheless, I'm ready for them to return to school and for life to return to its rhythm, so I can … [Read More...]