Conversations with the Ogre

The Ogre: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *sob* “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it, because I really need to be a grown-up and just learn to deal with my own spectacular failures at life, and everything.”

The Ogre: “…”

Me: “Plus, you won’t be able to fix it because it’s my own stupid fault.”

The Ogre: “…:

Me: “Fine! Lincoln pooped in his underwear and then I drank some whiskey. I totally ruined the Whole 30! On the second day!”

The Ogre: “Well, you better pour me a glass of whiskey too, ’cause I’m not going to let you beat yourself up all month for being 3 days behind me. If we go down, we go down together.”

Me: “You’re just really happy about having some whiskey, aren’t you?”

The Ogre: “Pretty much.”