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Do Women Regret Their Abortions Enough?

Editor’s Note: Below is a guest post from evangelist, Tony Miano. Tony is a retired twenty-year veteran of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department (1987-2007). From 2008 to mid-2012, Tony served at Living Waters in many capacities and co-hosted almost 400 episodes of Living Waters’ live, web-based program, “On the Box, with Ray Comfort.” Currently, Tony’s writing is featured on the Cross Encounters blog (www.CrossEncounters.us). To learn more about Tony click here.


Some people, especially women, will read the title of this article, see the author is a man, and dismiss it as the insensitive musings of a man who could not possibly understand. Some will go as far as to say I have no right to even ask the question because of my gender. They will make assertions such as:

“You’ve never been pregnant, so how could you possibly know if a woman regrets her abortion enough?”

“How dare you ask if a woman regrets her abortion enough! Do you have a uterus? Have you ever been raped? Have you ever been abused by a husband?

To dismiss the question because it was asked by a man, or a woman who has never had an abortion, or been the victim of a rape or domestic violence, is to commit a genetic fallacy. A genetic fallacy is an attempt “to endorse or disqualify a claim because of the origin or irrelevant history of the claim.”[i]

While I cannot point to any evidentiary data, I suspect that many women regret murdering their unborn child, by way of an abortion. But it would be inaccurate to say that every woman who has an abortion regrets the act. For instance, take the woman who was walking into an abortion clinic who responded when I asked her if she was there to have an abortion. “Number 3!” was her response, while smiling and waving three fingers in the air.

Something else to consider is that Planned Parenthood’s own research shows the vast majority of women who murder their children by way of abortion, are motivated by the mere perceived inconvenience of giving birth to a child.[ii] While certainly some of these women may later regret the decision they made to kill their child, such depravity that leads a woman to slaughter her own child legitimately brings into question either the level of her remorse or her ability to even emote in that way.

However, for the sake of this article, let’s give abortive women the benefit of the doubt and assert that most women later regret killing their unborn children. But do they regret it enough?

The Bible indicates that few women will regret their abortion enough. As is the case with anybody and everybody else, with any and every kind of sin, a woman who does not repent and receive Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior does not yet feel as bad as she should about having an abortion. Anything short of true repentance and genuine faith in Jesus Christ is nothing more than worldly grief that produces death.

2 Corinthians 7:10 reads: “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”

“Godly grief”[iii] is a type and level of sorrow that points a person toward God. It is the realization that sin, every sin—whether in thought, word, or deed—is an offense against God. After being confronted about his egregious sin with Bathsheba, which resulted in the premeditated murder of her husband, King David lamented in prayer with these words: “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment” (Psalm 51:4).

Godly grief produces repentance. Repentance is not merely a changing of one’s mind, as some teach.[iv] Repentance is both a changing of one’s mind about God and sin, as well as a change of direction away from sin, a Holy Spirit-wrought desire not to sin again, and a turning toward God in true love and willing submission.[v]

While repentance doesn’t save a person from the just punishment of God for one’s sins against Him, repentance, which is a gift from God (Romans 2:4), is used by God to lead one to salvation (Romans 10:9-13; Ephesians 2:8-9). This kind of genuine repentance leads to genuine conversion—a conversion about which the recipient will not regret. True Christians do not repent for their repentance. They want a life of spiritual reform; not because such reform will earn them salvation, but they will want a life of reform because they are so grateful for the salvation they have freely received as a gift from God (Romans 6:23b).

Very few post-abortive women feel this kind of regret, this kind of godly grief and sorrow over their sin. How can I say that?

Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matthew 7:13-14).

Jesus made it clear that fewer people will come to saving faith in Him than those who will spend eternity in Hell. Sadly, most post-abortive women are on the broad road of destruction and entering through a wide gate of demise that most people enter. The reason is that most of these women will never repent and receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

No, sadly, most post-abortive women’s grief and sorrow is categorized by Scripture as a “worldly grief [that] produces death.” Their grief will never rise to the level of truly seeking God’s forgiveness, which is only given to those who receive Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Their grief will never rise to the level of truly receiving God’s forgiveness, which is possible only by the grace of God alone, through faith alone, in Jesus Christ alone.

Most women who murder their children by way of abortion will only experience a temporal form of grief—a grief often characterized as remorse felt over experiencing the consequence for past bad acts. The convenience they once sought through the murder of their child has led to the inconvenience of things like emotional and physical trauma, damaged relationships, or the pressure of a secret long-kept or suddenly exposed. Oh, I have no doubt some women regret the death of their child. But more women will regret what the death of their child has caused to happen to them. And it is this kind of self-centered, worldly grief that leads to death—not only a physical death, but a spiritual death as one eventually stands before God to give an account for not only the murder of their unborn child, but also for every other violation of God’s law throughout the course of her life. And since they never repented and believe the gospel, having received Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they will receive the wrathful justice of God instead of the loving mercy and grace of God.

If you are a post-abortive woman reading this and you have never truly repented of your sin and have never received Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, then no matter how much grief and sorrow you feel about your abortion, it is not enough.  Your only hope is Jesus Christ. You can never forgive yourself enough to warrant God extending His grace and mercy to you. You can never change your life enough to warrant such love from God, either. And while you may try to put the past behind you, unless you repent and receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior that past is attached to you like a ball and chain, never to be removed.

Oh, but there is such great hope (Romans 5:1-5; 1 Peter 1:3-9) and peace (Philippians 4:6-7) in Jesus Christ! While God is opposed to the proud, He gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). And once you have received the gift of eternal life, He will remove your sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:11-13) and He will remember them no more (Jeremiah 31:34).

Come to Jesus! Though your sins are like scarlet (Isaiah 1:18), though the blood of your own child is on your hands, He will wash you and make you clean (1 Corinthians 6:11). And He will make you a new creature. The old person who killed her child will be gone (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Once you have received the tender mercy and faithful lovingkindness of God, you will never again have to live with the pain of the unrepentant, unforgiven sin of murdering your child. You will no longer have to hold on to the worldly sorrow, which brings you nothing but spiritual death. Jesus will set you free and you will be free indeed (John 8:36).

Only God can help you regret your abortion enough, to the point you will no longer have to hold on to the pain. Only God, through faith in His Son Jesus Christ can do this. So, please, turn to Christ and live. Turn to Christ and live.


[iii] Barnes wrote: “For godly sorrow – ‘Sorrow according to God’ (Ἡ γὰρ κατὰ Θεὸν λύπη Hē gar kata Theon lupē). That is, such sorrow as has respect to God, or is according to his will, or as leads the soul to him. This is a very important expression in regard to true repentance, and shows the exact nature of that sorrow which is connected with a return to God” (http://biblecommenter.com/2_corinthians/7-10.htm).

 

 

  • Sharon

    Wow. This is like an Onion article. What exactly do you hope to accomplish with this article? “You may think you are sorry, but I don’t think you are sorry enough!” Really? Do you expect to reach anyone with this shaming garbage?

    • http://www.tmiano.com Tony Miano

      Sharon,

      I hope the Lord brings you to repentance and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

      Do you have anything constructive to the conversation, or should we settle for the shrill emotionalism you’ve share thus far.

      • Aaron

        Translation:

        Sharon, this is my condesdening comment noting that since you do not agree with me, my all loving god is going to torture you forever unless you become exactly like me. I personally do not care that you think its shaming, and; as I assume you are a woman, anything you say must be pure emotional nonsense.
        In other words; I really, really, really don’t care about women.

        • jdens

          You’ve captured it exactly. There seems to be no end to this person’s condescension, smugness, or self-righteousness.

    • mike h

      Sharon,
      I agree with you. The hate-filled misogynistic drivel in this post is offensive. It makes me think of the little brother who farts in a restaurant and embarrasses the whole family. However, rather than be upset, it may be best to simply dismiss it as the rantings of a white, privileged male with no clue. As for you, Mr. Miano, your postition, while widely held by a certain demographic, is not held by the vast majority of Christ followers. (Thankfully!) Your understanding of God’s word is seriously flawed. But, I’m sure that in your self-aggrandizing arrogance you’ll not get this. I really feel sorry for your family who have had to live with your misguided patristic attitude. You claim to be a preacher. Of what? Reading this blog makes it clear that you don’t preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Your bio states that you are retired. Perhaps you should consider taking up golf.

      • M. Willoughby

        He did say up front that the title may be off-putting. However, I know Tony and can assure you that he is a genuinly kind and decent person who has no intent to condescend. I think his message is that there are various levels of regret felt by women who have had abortions, from zero regret to devastating regret and everything in between. What he is trying to say is that regret felt with a spritual filter is more productive to a person’s growth than regret without the spirit involved. And any christian would have to agree that the spirit is given by submitting to the authority of Jesus.

    • Laura Johnson

      For real. When I read articles like this I feel pretty sure that Tony and I are not following the same Jesus. Maybe we are in parallel universes, I dunno. I just really doubt that Jesus sat around the dinner table with the prostitutes and badgered them that they aren’t sorry enough for their sin. It’s the most repulsive and unhelpful form of ‘evangelism’… even when well intentioned. The good news is a lot bigger and better than ‘you are a filthy rotten murderer and if you finally get sorry enough then I will spare you from hell…’

      And why is this aimed at one sin with one gender? Is it ‘women who have abortions week’ and I missed it? In all seriousness, it seems odd… but maybe I’m missing the point.

  • Josh Wagner

    I made it about 2/3 of the way through this article before I just could not bare it any longer and had to scroll up to look at the author. I was absolutely shocked that this type of hate could come from someone so boastful of his time spent with the infamous LAPD. A group so classy and law abiding. I would be proud of my work with them too!! I commend you on leaving that behind to spew your hate as an author.

    I have a couple questions for you Mr. Miano. Have you repented enough for your crimes on humanity? I mean really repented. Like really really mean it. Not just said it. But actually asked Jesus for his forgiveness for your crimes against His people? I understand stepping out of your role as a street judge has been hard. It must be hard having done it as long as you had and then going back to being a nobody. So you still feel the need to judge whether or not someone who had an abortion really feels bad enough. If you have not already relocated I hear that Topeaka KS has a really nice church that would welcome you with open arms. Westboro is always looking for judgmental lunatics to spew more hate.

    I am a Christian. I believe wholeheartedly in the teachings of Jesus Christ. To love your enemy just as you would your neighbor. Jesus spent his time here on earth with the sinners. The people that needed him most. The problem with the “church” as a whole today is that people see judgmental articles (like this one) and pastors preaching hate and a perverted agenda driven version of the teachings of the bible. Instead of the love, forgiveness and acceptance that it actually teaches us to have. You sir, take verses of the bible and twist them to serve your agenda. I will be praying for you. That God heals this hate you have in your heart. That he relieves you of your self gratifying duty of judge and helps you learn to love those that are hurting and need your love.

    Now as for that “Shrill” woman above. You should have quoted some scripture to her. Let her know that this is your church and she has no right to talk in it.
    1 Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says.

    Matthew 7:1-5 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

    My Pastor often says: There is nothing that you can do to make God love you any more. But more importantly there is nothing that you can do to make him love you less. Whether you like it or not he loves you. Get over it!!

    And I close my rant with this:

    If by someway this article did not offend you to the point of hating Christianity even more than you possibly already do and you happen to scroll way down here and read this comment PLEASE do not let this be a reflection of the love that you can find in Jesus. If you are a woman that has had an abortion, or a person that has made a mistake and you just can’t seem to find that forgiveness that you so desperately seek, or you are a homosexual, whatever the case may be. God is waiting for you. He is waiting for you to open your heart to accept him. He loves you no matter your past. He already knows your future. He cares and he is forgiving. There is a church that will accept you as you. You just have to find the right one. When you do, you will never regret it!!

    • http://www.tmiano.com Tony Miano

      Josh,

      Be careful when you say you are a Christian and that you “wholeheartedly” believe the teachings of Jesus. Considering your inflammatory, judgmental, and inaccurate comments above, I would if you believe Jesus when he says the following:

      “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:33-37).

      And…

      “You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said:

      ‘This people honors me with their lips,
      but their heart is far from me;
      in vain do they worship me,
      teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’

      “And he called the people to him and said to them, ‘Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.’ Then the disciples came and said to him, ‘Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?’ He answered, ‘Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.’ But Peter said to him, ‘Explain the parable to us.’ And he said, ‘Are you also still without understanding? Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled? But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone” (Matthew 15:7-20).

      Josh, you believe in a Jesus you’ve created in your own imagination–a Jesus who is not holy, righteous, and just–a Jesus whose love is little more then sentimentality, whose love is capricious and unholy. And by creating a Jesus in your imagination, picking and choosing which words of Jesus you will believe, denying the truth that He is the Word who became flesh and that EVERY word of Scripture (Genesis thru Revelation) are the words of God the Son, you have made yourself an idolater.

      I hope you, too, Josh, will come to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. Your words reveal the condition of your heart. It is what comes out of your mouth, Josh, which reveal you merely praise Jesus with your lips, but your heart is far from Him.

      I am praying for you, Josh.

      • Aaron

        In other words, Josh, you are not a “true” christian, because you are a homosexual lover who probably voted for obama. Let me quote some verses for you about not being judgmental as I judge that thee is not a true christian because, as I said, you do not agree with me, and therefore you are going to be tortured together with all the gays and women who had abortions (oddly enough, all the zygotes will go to heaven.)

        See, the thing is, Tony, the “love” you preach isn’t love.
        If god love is identical to that of an abusive father, then it isn’t love.

        • jdens

          Brilliant. Loving your interpretation skills.

    • http://www.lauraljohnson.wordpress.com Laura Johnson

      “If by someway this article did not offend you to the point of hating Christianity even more than you possibly already do and you happen to scroll way down here and read this comment PLEASE do not let this be a reflection of the love that you can find in Jesus.” -Josh

      So wonderfully said.

      And Tony, you can pray for us… but you will need to allow us to pray for you too. Because as much as you might see us as lost sinners bc we don’t agree with your approach or the attitude you seem to present, we tend to see you as a self righteous pharisee who chases people away from Jesus. Luckily, Jesus has perfect perspective and knows all of our hearts and will guide us closer to His heart as we allow Him.

  • Josh Wagner

    Tony, how have you come to the assumption that the Jesus that I believe in has been “created in my own imagination” (and so on)? How have I led you to believe that I pick and choose parts of the Bible to believe? I am not condoning or suggesting that one should get an abortion. Or that it is morally or ethically ok in God’s eyes. My point was rather easy to understand I believe. Instead of further condemning people for their bad past choices (as we all have made) why don’t we do as Jesus said and love said people. Go out of our way to show them we are not judging them. That we understand the pain and emptiness that they are going through. It seems much more productive to “go forth and make disciples” and rescue these people. Not call them murderer’s and slaughterers and such.

    Be careful calling myself a Christian? Are you serious? What was inaccurate and inflammatory about my comments? Do you have articles that I have missed condemning your former partners for going on a rampage shooting at innocent civilians because they drove a truck that looked like Dorners? Or even for his murder without due process? Or about the many claims of corruption, abuse and racism? They far exceed any other city in the US. I feel that you of all people knowing as much as you know I am sure should see a just cause in making it right. Your friends are to protect and serve not beat and arrest. I understand that maybe being cynical and sarcastic struck a cord and I apologize. I truly didn’t mean to upset you but rather make a point. My point was clearly not recognized that it is wrong to put women down further when they are already down and looking for answers. Your point in the article could have been made, and more powerful, had you left out all the slander. But who am I. I only believe in a fake Jesus that I made up. I don’t know why I waste all my time…. hopefully your prayers will be answered and I will be just like you one day!!!

  • seriously

    First, wow. This may be the most poorly written article I have had the PLEASURE of reading recently. While I COMPLETELY disagree with EVERYTHING in this article as a Christian WOMAN (and yes, for the record it DOES matter that a woman’s voice is included on the issue) I would appreciate more consideration in the use of proper academic citations rather than just hateful shaming of women in future posts. This helps no one.

  • seriously

    And might I add that uneducated hatred spewed by authors such as this is only a way to turn people away from your GOD (I say yours because the God you describe is not the God that I know.) Consider your words, consider your impact. This is trash.

  • Albert

    Tony good article. I have one comment for those that are angered that a MAN would post such a comment about abortion. Please read his concluding paragraphs.

    Please allow me to rephrase. Most people do not regret their sin enough. Because most people do not regret their sin enough they will spend eternity in Hell. Because most people don’t regret their sin enough they do not repent of their sin and trust in Jesus.

    Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matthew 7:13-14).

    Abortion is murder. All murders will be punished in the lake of fire.

    Tony said very well what you must do. He said
    Only God can help you regret your abortion enough, to the point you will no longer have to hold on to the pain. Only God, through faith in His Son Jesus Christ can do this. So, please, turn to Christ and live. Turn to Christ and live.

    There is a way of escape. Repent of your sin and trust in Jesus to pay for your crimes against God.

    Keep up the good work Tony.

    • Essie

      Truth hurts sometimes and none want to hear it. I am a female, a grandmother many times over that will say to all of you that have all this anger against the truth that God does love you and I’ll not venture who is saved and who is not but abortion is murder and murder is a sin. We might be very careful that our hearts do not become hardened by our sins. I suggest that any one of you who has the courage, read some of Charles H. Spurgeon’s classics on prayer and the Holy Spirit. Read them cover to cover carefully,quietly and with an open mind. Then, if you have the same mind about all this same-sex marriage, gay rights movements, and abortion, then the evil one has completely deceived you with lies and you are definitely on the wrong path then I should like to pray for you. Each one of you is precious and lovely in God’s eyes but He is serious and gives you every evidence of His existance and, “has a plan for you, but you would have none of it”. People these are not new or progressive ideas. On the contrary, these issues were discussed thousands of years ago. Loved ones do not gamble with your eternity. You will be somewhere after you pass on. It’s your choice….educate yourself and defeat the evil that is so rampant in our society today. Love to all of you, Nanny-Essie

  • http://Disqus Obliged_Cornball

    There’s nothing in this post that shows that the Bible is true, but a whole lot that seeks to scare people into believing. Perhaps these women *should* feel worse about what they’ve done – simply saying your tradition thinks they should feel bad is not sufficient proof, though. Threats of damnation abound in many religions – why is yours so special that you should feel the need to forgo rational argument? Fear of damnation could lead them to any one of the religious sects that threaten such a thing (and not necessarily your own). If you were to appeal to these women on an intellectual level, I predict that you would find more success. Playing off of the primitive emotion of fear may work some of the time, but it could also backfire and lose you people you could have otherwise reached. I’ll leave you to think about whether or not you want that on your conscience.

  • http://northernheimsocal.blogspot.com Signy Ragnvaldsdottir

    I clicked on this article because often a provocative title is a way of calling attention to an article that is often very wise and thought-provoking.

    Nope.

    I was on my way to read comments on Sam Webster’s terrible anti-Christian comments in the Pagan portal. I was disappointed to see that yet another “Christian” was proving him right. I don’t want him to be right.

  • Mark Hunter

    Tony, you are a prime example of a misogynist.

    You should be ashamed of yourself.

  • Karen

    From personal experience, the regret runs deep since my walk with the Lord has strengthened. It is because of God’s grace that I have to let it go. We’ll never know how much it cost to see our sins upon that cross. Amen.


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