Frequently Searched Questions: Bruce Wayne Depression

The following are actual search terms people typed into Google (Yahoo?) which directed them to CaPC. In most cases they didn’t find the answer they were looking for on our site. FSQ is an attempt to remedy this problem by answering some of the most (de)pressing questions sent to us through search terms.

This week’s theme is nothing really just a bunch of bizarre search terms.

Q 1. Elf on the shelf plush do it move?

It do, it do. When you least expect it, it do.

Also: It’s February. Put the Christmas Decorations away already.

If this thing moves, we’re screwed. Image: MCA / Mike Allyn via Flickr (CC BY 2.0).

Q 2. Bruce Wayne depression?

Newly added in DSM-V, so called “Bruce Wayne Depression” (BWD) is a sudden and acute depression brought on by Not Wearing the Batsuit right now.

Q 3. Super Bowl party for Christ activities?

1. Discuss how much better the game would be if Tim Tebow or RGIII were playing.

2. Do Sword Drills during the commercials, or during the game, which ever is least entertaining.

3. Comment on how debaucherous the commercials are and how they reflect the moral decline of our country as you watch men concuss themselves into permanent brain damage and an early grave.

4. During the half-time show pray for all the injured players from the first half.

5. At least once, and preferably once per quarter, comment on how the sport would be a lot more enjoyable without gratuitous shots of cheerleaders.

6. When the game is close and everyone is most interested in the action, shut off the TV and ask everyone to search their hearts and really ask themselves if they love God as much as football. Would they be this mad if someone took their Bible away?

Q 4. Does Tom Delonge can’t pronounce properly?

Yes, he does.

Q 5. Christian perspective on fantasy during sex?

Either read Wheel of Time or have sex. Never try doing both.

Choose wisely. Image: n2linux via Flickr ( CC BY-SA 2.0).

Q 6. What does drown in the sea mean?

Just so I’m clear, you know how to search for answers on Google, but you don’t know what it means to drown in the sea? You need to get out more, brah. But don’t get out to the beach, cause you could drown, in the sea.

Q 7. Why do men look at knacked girles?

Not an easy question to answer, but I’m up for the challenge. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “knacked” is an obsolete word meaning “to mock or taunt” and “girles” is the name for young trout who have just returned to the river from the sea for the first time.

Reenactment.

Thus, in contemporary English, your question reads: “Why do men look at taunted young trout having just returned from the sea?”

And the answer is because they are not invisible.

But let’s cut to the chase. Accord to the OED, “Knacked” was last used in the sixteenth century, and “girles” in the fifteenth century, making you at least 500 years old, or a time traveler, or both.

So then, what is it that you really want to know, Doctor?

Q 8. How to have fun playing video games?

If science could answer that question, would we need video games?

Q 9. Why is a good reason to like country music?

False. Why is a terrible reason.

Q 10. What’s the world’s problem for homeless people?

Yeah, what’s your problem, world? Gosh.

But seriously, I’m guessing it’s lack of affordable housing.

About Alan Noble

(Co-Founder/Editor/Columnist) is a part-time lecturer at Baylor University. He received his PhD in Contemporary American Literature from Baylor, writing on manifestations of transcendence in 20th Century American Lit. He and his family attend Redeemer Waco, a PCA church. Alan's passion is studying how believers can be a faithful presence in culture to the glory of God and the edification of others. In addition to editing, Alan writes his column, Citizenship Confusion for CaPC.

---Follow Alan on Twitter @TheAlanNoble and on Facebook.

---For questions, comments, or interest in speaking engagements please email me at noble.noneuclidean [at] gmail [dot] com.


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