Don’t panic. Don’t be alarmed.
If you have a heart condition or are pregnant, don’t read this. Just back away slowly and calmly, exit the site, and go to a safe space on the web where you’ll be okay.
This item is from The Onion, which is a satirical publication — or, in an idiom with which some will feel more comfortable, a publication that tells lies and that hasn’t always been deferential or entirely respectful toward Our President.
Anyway, you’ve been warned. Proceed beyond this point at your own risk:
Some necessary clarifications:
For those who may be concerned, Merrick Garland, President Obama’s unsuccessful last nominee to the Supreme Court of the United States, isn’t actually working as a highway maintenance worker. He’s serving as the chief judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit.
Moreover, for those who may be concerned about the false description of Judge Garland as a highway maintenance worker, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a highway maintenance worker.
There is also, for those who may be concerned, nothing wrong with being unemployed. Some very good people have been unemployed, and some very good people are currently unemployed.
For those who may be concerned about my use of the term very good people, I’m not insinuating that anybody out there is bad. And no animals were injured during the writing of this blog entry.
A nice cup of chamomile tea might help you to relax.
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