The Cobra Commander Dialogues: III.III.3

Originally posted on Atlas Shrugged: Full Disclosure.

Cobra Commander: Finally, Mr. Rearden. I presume you have my money with you?
Hank Rearden: I shall offer it to you just as soon as Dagny here has stopped crying in my arms.
Dagny Taggart: Oh I’m done with that now, sorry about that, I’m fully back to being the self fulfilled powerful businesswoman genius who is still somehow a pinball in my own life moving under very little of my own impetus and who is constantly shocked by everything that is happening to me.
Hank Rearden: And don’t forget that you’ve found the love of your life now.
Dagny Taggart: Gasp! I am shocked you knew that!
Hank Rearden; Ha ha, no worries! I simply deduced your affection for another by your choice of phrasing. Rather than assume that because you were giving facts about the past by referring to the past and maybe holding out hope that the woman who I was desperately in love with was still in love with me, I’m quite cheerful to have learned that the woman I once flew into murderous rages because of has found some measure of happiness with a man other than me.
Cobra Commander: I just want my money, so I don’t much care about any of this, but it still feels like you should maybe be the one to explain your emotions here Dagny.
Hank Rearden: No need! Dagny may be a strong vivacious woman grabbing her life and taking charge of it, and she may have just given a dramatic speech earlier but it is, of course, not so long as my speech was and I believe I am still best equipped to explain her emotional state to her.
Dagny Taggart: Gasp! Shockingly I think everything you’re saying about me is true!
Hank Rearden: But of course. It’s really a shame I never left my wife for you, and disowned my mother and brother and all of the rest of my family, since they refused to let me run my life like I run my business. Cold and methodically and perfectly and all for my own benefit.
Cobra Commander: Yes yes, how terrible that people aren’t machines for you to use… my money, as in where is it and can I have it now please?
Hank Rearden: Why who would have thought that a great man like me would make such a simple mistake! A man who cheated on his wife, succumbed to blackmail, constantly lied to the whole of my family, openly mocked and loathed them, put them always second to my business, frequently entertained violent thoughts towards those closest to me, verbally and physically mistreated my mistress…
Cobra Commander: Can we wrap this up please?
Hank Rearden: …fine I had more but in any case the point being that clearly a noble and heroic soul such as myself really should have never made the mistake of seeking consolation with those closest to me in the first place. But you’re right, I do just have one thing left to do.
Cobra Commander: My money, and the paying there of it to me right now before I beat you over the head with a table leg?
Hank Rearden: No no, I must know who the man is you fell in love with Dagny?
Dagny Taggart: All I can say is… who is John Galt?
Hank Rearden: Oh, so John Galt.
Dagny Taggart: Gasp! How did you figure out my clever riddle so quickly!?
Hank Rearden: That’s just how perfect I am.
Cobra Commander: And now I have to go find a table to break a leg off of…