"Best God joke ever"?

A poll a few years ago voted this the winner.  And it’s got a lot of truth to it — as anyone who has spent any time in the blogosphere can attest.

From Emo Phillips:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

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  1. Reminds me of another one I heard. I think this is from Marcus Grodi. A fellow is rescued after many years from a desert island. The rescuers notice he has three huts. They ask him to explain. The one in the middle, he says, is my home. The one on the right is the Church I attend. The one on the left is the Church I ‘used to’ attend …

  2. johnplacette says:

    Similar Story by Max Lucado:

    Some time ago I came upon a fellow on a trip who was carrying a Bible. “Are you a believer?” I asked him. “Yes,” he said excitedly. I’ve learned you can’t be too careful. “Virgin birth?” I asked. “I accept it.” “Deity of Jesus?” “No doubt.” “Death of Christ on the cross?” “He died for all people.” Could it be that I was face to face with a Christian? Perhaps. Nonetheless, I continued my checklist. “Status of man.” “Sinner in need of grace.” “Definition of grace.” “God doing for man what man can’t do.” “Return of Christ?” “Imminent.” “Bible?” “Inspired.” “The Church?” “The Body of Christ.” I started getting excited. “Conservative or liberal?” He was getting interested too. “Conservative.” My heart began to beat faster. “Heritage?” “Southern Congregationalist Holy Son of God Dispensationalist Triune Convention.” That was mine! “Branch?” “Pre-millennial, post-trib, non-charismatic, King James, one-cup communion.” My eyes misted. I had only one other question. “Is your pulpit wooden or fiberglass?” “Fiberglass,” he responded. I withdrew my hand and stiffened my neck. “Heretic!” I said and walked away.

    Max Lucado, A GENTLE THUNDER, p. 139,

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