No, I Will Not Celebrate Your Affair with You

No, I Will Not Celebrate Your Affair with You April 11, 2018

Someone I know announced an affair via social media. I don’t know this individual well, and I certainly don’t know details about the marriage. Here’s what I do know:

Adultery hurts people.

We all know that people often fake it on Facebook. What appeared to be a solid marriage may have been rocky for a long time – maybe since the start. But no matter what the situation is, my response must be: No, I will not celebrate your affair with you. 

As a counselor and social worker, I have seen the heartache that affairs cause. The sadness, shame, and sleepless nights. But you don’t have to be a therapist to know that. We all know people that have been hurt by adultery. And we all know people who have been the ones to cause the pain.

Under no circumstances is infidelity the answer. You may feel better for a while – more loved, more fulfilled. But like my mama always said, “You can’t build happiness on the broken hearts of others” (or something like that.) I knew a man (or two or three) who had an affair with a woman and left his wife to marry her. Where are they now? Divorced. Again. Sadly, I am sure no one is surprised.

Think for a moment about the pain caused to other people – especially when children are involved. Do you really want them to say that “Mom left dad for someone else?” (or “Dad left mom for someone else?”) What about your relationship with God? Think of the pain created as you break the hearts of the one you vowed to (your spouse) and the One you vowed in front of (God).  So often, adultery leads to divorce. And this causes even more pain for everyone involved.

Divorce has become far too commonplace in our society. No one wants to speak out against it because we all have family members and friends who have been through divorce. Like me, I’m sure you don’t want to hurt them, and sometimes speaking out against divorce comes across as an attack. But, it’s not about condemnation, it’s about speaking truth in an effort to help save marriages.

Some people have gotten divorces for what many believe to be biblical reasons. Some have not. Some have been left by their spouses. Some have done the leaving. Regardless, please know that if you are having or have had an affair, or if you have had or are going through a divorce, you can experience forgiveness through Jesus Christ. There is grace – abundance grace – offered!

Yet, you don’t have to get to this place (or get there again). Marriage can be tough. If you need help making it work, seek marital counseling. Having an affair is not the answer.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Fallulah

    Who asked you to celebrate the affair? Pretty sure this didn’t happen. You just want to be judgmental. Doesn’t your holy book discuss judging others?

  • raven nevermore

    The Bible, obviously, you do not know. We are told to judge others only after we have removed what was blinding our clear point of view – remove the wood in you own eye, then judgement can be made. You need to read more instead of passing judgment based on incomplete knowledge. Also, apparently, you are prepared to defend people that have affairs, that are unfaithful. Now, if I were to call you a jerk, that might be an unfair judgment. Try to keep up.

  • Karin Isbell

    Thank you for the article. And to those who call it “judgemental” — it certainly is not. It simply points out the iverakk pain and suffering a divorce can cause.

  • Karin Isbell

    The writer did not judge — but merely poited out the potentially painful ramifications of an affair or divorce adultery causes.

  • Fallulah

    Does the bible mention empathy at all?

  • raven nevermore

    Not specifically. But I’d say it is implied throughout, which does not deal with your original comment. By this question, you seem to only have a touchy-feely view of God. There’s more. Such as standards, values, beliefs, and reasonable ideas either from biblical perspectives and philosophy. Shaler was merely coming from, I suspect, that point of view. Think about it.

  • Paperboy_73

    Affairs still have strongly negative social cachet attached to them. That post sounds more like comeuppance than anything else.