God Can Also Be Found In The Dark- The Film Metalhead and what is says to us about Grief

God Can Also Be Found In The Dark- The Film Metalhead and what is says to us about Grief April 11, 2015

God can also be found in the Dark- Metalhead Film.

My Goth brother reading an evangelical mag with his buddy in the 90's
My Goth brother reading an evangelical mag with his buddy in the 90’s

Have you ever heard a sermon about grief? Was there an altar call afterwards? Should it have rather just been long wails or maybe weeping?

 

The Sunday after my brother shot himself, I showed up at church. It was all so surreal. I moved around. Feeling hardly nothing. Just trying to keep it together. “You know, don’t want anyone thinking I might be crazy.” During worship, I just wept. I suddenly felt arms around me. Lots of arms around me.

The grief took me to a strange place. A place where I was very angry.

I finally went to see a counselor after I took a swing at my husband.

I still cry and weep after my brother.

Then my Dad passed less than 8 months after David died. Then 5 months later, I sat at my grandmother’s bed side as they administered sublingual morphine. She said, “I love you, Bec.”

I felt like a walking zombie last year. Anger is my go-to drug.

I wonder how we (as those pondering the future of the “beloved community”) can help others and love others during mourning?

God can also be found in the Dark.

My brother Davy. I miss him so much
My brother Davy. I miss him so much
Where were you while we were getting high? I miss my brother so much. This was right after my father outed me.
Where were you while we were getting high? I miss my brother so much. This was right after my father outed me.

I invite you to take time to watch “Metalhead.” Maybe you can do so with your community.

How do we handle grief? Do we? How can we bind up our angry and our hurt?

How can we love those who raise fists at us?

I still get angry.

I still rage.

And yes, I may seem fine on the outside.

My brother David may be tripping the cosmos. And I miss him.

My father’s voice fades from my memory. I want to hear his voice.

And my Nana V, might be praying for me over yonder, but I can’t hold her here.

You have most likely lost loved ones.

How did you cope?

Where was the community when you grieved? Or like me, did you walk away from them?

Please watch Metalhead. Let’s talk about grief. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5yweKs_rfU

 


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