A Broken Heart, Mom Rage, And A Call To Action

Before I even get started, here’s a plea: Donate to Syrian refugees through UNHCR here. Do it. I won’t guilt you, but I’m giving you my best mom glare, so you had better or you shall INCUR MY WRATH.

Part One: The Broken Heart

A few days ago, this image came to my attention.

(WARNING: The following image is graphic. You should still look at it and take in the full meaning of it, but you should prepare yourself.)

A Turkish police officer stands next to the body of the young boy. Photograph: Reuters

Now, until that moment, the Syrian crisis was one amongst so many that my heart had turned cold. I am not a person who feels things well. I rely on reason and logic to deal with things, and my reason and logic told me I couldn’t possibly deal with or solve all the problems in the world, so why should I try? What good is caring going to do for this situation? I am so broke–like, SO broke–and I have no power or influence, so my privileged-person guilt is all I have to offer, and guilt doesn’t solve anything.

I have used disconnection as a coping mechanism. The weight of all the world’s problems is too much, so I put as many degrees of separation between me and them as I can.

But that photo, that broke me. I could not separate myself from it. That little kid? I have one of those (granted, she’s quite a bit younger). Mine occasionally rolls into that same position in her sleep.

And I know that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. That little boy’s mom would have–and did–give up her life to try to save her baby, and even that couldn’t save him. That’s how awful this situation has become. Moms, the closest thing to superheroes we have, cannot protect their babies from this crisis.

Sure, this is just like every other crisis. Babies die in wars. But I never saw the photos before.

I cried. Big, ugly tears. I picked up my daughter and squeezed her probably too tightly and promised to her that as long is there is breath in my lungs, I will do everything I can to keep her safe. And then I promised to that momma and her babies, the ones who didn’t make it, and to all the other mommas in Syria who are fighting so hard to protect their babies, that I would do everything I could to keep them safe.

Part Two: Mom Rage

What followed was, perhaps, the most effective motivator I have: Rage.

Not just rage, though, as if that were not enough. Mom rage. Those of you who have kids know that this is the fierceness that comes with parenthood, the oxytocin rush that makes parents defend their babies in threatening situation.

(Note: I have a degree in theology, not biology, so I don’t know if it’s actually oxytocin. I heard that somewhere. That’s not the point.)

I wasn’t just angry that this was happening. I was angry that babies are dying and I–and so many others–have been able to ignore it. And what really stoked the flames of my mom rage was that so many people who want the U.S. to be a “Christian nation” are the same people who want to restrict our borders even more. The same ones who want to limit welfare, who uphold racist and classist ideologies, who treat immigrants as sub-human, these ones want the message of Jesus to be the moral code that governs this country.

Oh, I’m sorry, this message?

31“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory.

32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.

35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,

36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?

38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?

39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

41“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.

42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,

43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Matthew 25:31-46, NRSV

Hmm. I must have read that wrong. Are you sure we’re talking about the same Jesus, you know, the one who was a refugee himself?

13When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream.”Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

14So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt,

15where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Out of Egypt I called my son.”

Matthew 2:13-15, NRSV

I could go on, but I’m guessing this isn’t going to be very effective. We must not be reading the same Bible.

Here’s the thing. Interpretations vary greatly when it comes to the Bible, but I cannot find any solid justification for why we shouldn’t help these, or any other, refugees. I won’t say “the Bible clearly says…” because I don’t think the Bible clearly says anything, but this is probably as close as I’ll ever get.

But really–does anyone think that the Divine will be proud of them for not helping? If it does so happen that I stand before Her someday and all my decisions are recounted, I’m pretty sure the times I’ve closed my heart or my wallet to another human in greater need than I are going to top the list of “Reasons Denika should go straight to Hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200.”

Err on the side of generosity, my friends.

Part Three: A Call to Action

So, if you’ve made it this far, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, yes, Denika, I hear you. But what can I do? We are so far away and I have so little to offer and my voice does not carry very far. I want to help, but how?”

1. DONATE. Trust me, I hear your lack of money. I really do. Our stack of bills just keeps getting higher and we’re a single-income family living a hair above the poverty line with a very expensive baby. Here’s a thought, though. The next time you think about swinging through a drive-thru, stop. Make a PB&J and donate the $5 instead. Yes, that choice is a privilege, and there is bound to be someone reading this article who truly cannot afford to spare any money. I’m banking on the statistical probability that you are not that person.

You can donate to the UN Refugee Agency here or through the link at the top of this post, but if you want options, Elizabeth Licatta has put together a fantastic list of where to donate over at Mommyish:

1. Doctors Without Borders – In addition to their work in war-torn areas, Doctors Without Borders also maintains three rescue ships in the Mediterranean. On Tuesday they reportedly rescued over 1,600 refugees from drowning.

2. UNICEF – Unicef provides clean water, medicine, and other services to children in Syria and refugees.

3. Save the Children – This charity has been supporting child refugees with schooling, food, medicine, and more.

4. World Food Program – This is the food assistance branch of the UN and is working to provide food and prevent hunger in Syria and for refugees based elsewhere.

5. The UN Refugee Agency – The UNHRC has been helping Syrian refugees with basic supplies, medical care, food, shelter, and schooling.

6. Migrant Offshore Aid Station – This charity runs independent rescue boats in the Mediterranean.

7. Islamic Relief – This organization has been providing food, medical assistance, and hygiene supplies to vulnerable people in Syria and neighboring areas.

8. International Rescue Committee – The IRC provides economic support, education, health services, reproductive health services, and resettlement services for refugees, especially women and children.

2. TELL THOSE WHO HAVE POWER. Write a representative. Sign a petition (or twelve). Yes, I’m skeptical too. I don’t think my voice matters. But I will not let that silence me.

3. DO NOT STOP TALKING. Keep bringing this up. Write, tweet, share, host an info session, do whatever it is Bob Geldof does. Be that person. Persistence may lead to change, but silence will not.

We can do something about this, friends. Get out there and make a difference.