On Falling in Love

Paris is for Lovers (photo: Enuma Okoro)

Paris is for lovers.

This is fitting,

because I am here for six weeks, to write yes,

but also aching to fall in love again

with my own heart.

I am here hoping to woo myself back to that childish curiosity for life.

I am here flirting with my delight in ordinary things

like walking,

and the scent of lavender

or the color of evening just before things get darker.

Things inevitably get darker.

I am here following the Seine somewhat aimlessly in the morning,

trusting the flow of open water,

of untamed spirit

will lead me to new clearings I can’t forsee.

I am here with permission to not feel guilty. I am so good at self-inflicted guilt.

I am here with an invitation to dwell,

to wake up with loose agendas, to relinquish control.

No matter how much that threatens my identity.

I am here with gratitude, knowing that all is gift and all is grace, and all I can do is give thanks

in the certain uncertainty of tomorrow.

I am here

aware that so few of us women can afford the time and the cost of getting away from our overflowing grasping lives.

But I am also here aware of how difficult it is to let ourselves receive any gifts of time and space,

to reacquaint ourselves with our own hearts, minds, desires, and thoughts,

aware that even letting go and living into freedom takes discipline.

Even lovers have to be disciplined.

I will practice the discipline of astonishment.


In the city of love

I will practice falling back in love,

with life, with me,

and if I’m lucky,  with God.

  • http://www.anamcara.com Tara Owens

    As I practice the same in my cabin in the mountains, I will hold this love brightly for you in France. Grace, grace and grace to you.

    • enumaokoro

      Thanks Tara!

  • http://www.yallsettledown.blogspot.com Kimberly

    “Vous n’avez pas des os en verre. Vous pouvez vous cogner à la vie. Si vous laissez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c’est votre cœur qui va devenir aussi sec et cassant que mon squelette.”

  • http://www.suzannefinnnamore.com suzanne

    there is no more beautiful city. Paris is for lovers, but it is also for women on their own, to reboot their sensual hard drives. many times i went there alone. people said, “How can you go to Paris alone?” I answered, “How can you not?” it was especially healing after my divorce. wrote a chapter on it in “Split” entitled “the highly symbolic transcontinental journey of the recently divorced.”

  • http://theflourishingtree.com Hope @ The Flourishing Tree

    I didn’t know you had fallen out of love with God, but I’m sure he’ll use the City of Love to woo you back to Him. May the weeks ahead be renewing and energizing and healing in all the ways you need. And in the meantime, I’ll simply admire you for being in Paris for six weeks and not at all covet your time of loose agendas and walks along the Seine. And I’ll remember that I only have to walk out to my garden for scents of lavender, and that lavender in Paris probably doesn’t smell any better than lavender in my front yard. But I hope someday God will invite me to fall in love with Him all over again in Paris, too. ;-)

  • ‘Femi

    God sure honors this kind of longing for him with his presence and all that accompanies it.
    Well, while you followed the seine, many tip-toed behind you, drawing strength from your passion for God, your contageous laughter, and your friendly disposition.
    So, as you found God, you also shared Him. Thanks my good friend Enuma.

  • yal

    Sigh…I feel you. Though not in Paris, and may not go anytime soon, getting away is my heart’s cry right now. I find ways to get away: Starbuck’s reading and journaling, sitting outside on my porch, walking around the yard and admiring God’s creation–my Doberman included :-) Still, some real “getting away” time is needed. And soon. Thank you…