I gather my “Thank You’s” with all their rough edges and push them deep into back pockets, trying to make it all fit.
Mama would cringe at these half-finished sentences.
I falter back with the weight of my words, phrases spilling out and splitting seams. I can’t contain them.
“You. Steadied. My. Ground. A. Little. More. Than. I. Expected…”
I lean forward and catch my balance. Some. Dig in my heels. Arms outstretched, I feel around for more words, syllables and sounds to embody…all this. “I. Was. So. Afraid. Nothing. Would. Change…You. Changed. Everything…And. Now…”I shake my head clear. Let thoughts drift and fall where they will a while.
So I can see it all laid out better.
So I can stack and pack gratitude for shipping.
I’m standing still now. Looking, sorting through, rearranging common words like “Yes” and “Open” and “Bisous”….so many “Kisses” in French and English.”
I shift and flip words like puzzle pieces, playing JEOPARDY with God.
finding new value in “Risk.” “Prayer.” “Trust.”
But it’s not a game to me.
This healing and renewing.
This letting go of old chapters, worn and trite.
This crafting and word-smithing of new life.
I trip back. Momentarily. I let God survey the scene
I wait teetering,
for his next move.