House Republicans Tell Jesus “Go #—! Yourself!” and Then Rewrite the Beatitudes


Republican Congressional Family Values Committee Preparing to Rewrite the Beatitudes 


Blessed are the Koch brothers,
for theirs is the kingdom of Parke Avenue.
Blessed are the job-creators,
for they will be paid even more.
Blessed are grandstanding Cuban-Canadian human puff adder carpetbaggers,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for a whites-only White House,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are white southern gun owners,
for only they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in greed,
for they will see the poor stripped of medical care.
Blessed are the fact-free Fox News faithful,
for they will be called children of Ayn Rand.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of the God-hating liberals who say global warming is real,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (which will have to do because we trashed– um, dominated — the earth).
Blessed are you when poor people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because you won’ t pay taxes. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in your gated community, for in the same way they persecuted the other rich bigots who were busy lynching black men before you when America was really free…

Read my new book And God Said, “Billy!” NOW # 1 in the Amazon Political Humor category, for a thorough exploration of right wing religious delusion… and just why Congress is nuts.

Frank Schaeffer is a writer and author of And God Said, “Billy!” on Kindle and NOOK for $3.99 and in paperback.



About Frank Schaeffer

Frank Schaeffer is an American author, film director, screenwriter and public speaker. He is the son of the late theologian and author Francis Schaeffer. He became a Hollywood film director and author, writing several internationally acclaimed novels including And God Said, "Billy!" as well as the Calvin Becker Trilogy depicting life in a fundamentalist mission home-- Portofino, Zermatt, and Saving Grandma.

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    That was really lame Frankie. “…puff adder carpetbaggers…”?

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    Where do you figure that those of us who hunger and thirst for a President with the character and ability of Lt Col Allen West or Amb Alan Keyes object to black skin tones? Our problem with Obama is that his skin color is the ONLY part of him that is in any way attractive.

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    Global Warming is real? Yep, it is. Much warmer lately than during the Little Ice Age some hundreds of years gone. The climate is always changing. We can’t affect that much. We do have a problem with pollution and resource exhaustion which needs to be addressed calmly without the hysterical caterwauling about the sky falling that we hear from AlGore and acolytes.

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    Why do you think having a uniform (GOVERNMENT!) makes it more likely you will use a firearm in an acceptable way? Poor crazy lady in D.C. got ventilated by the police even though she was unarmed. By the standards you folks threw at G. Zimmerman all those cops should be put on trial.

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    You have actual data for saying that Fox is fact free? Or that the viewers are?

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    How does the greed of the rich strip the poor of resources? I’ve never understood that paradigm. Robin Hood stole from the rich, not the poor. Because no one ever made much money stealing from the poor. They got nothing, you know? More likely some greedy rich person got rich by figuring out how to provide things poor people want at a lower cost to them. And why are so many ‘poor’ people so obese? Poor impulse control. The same lack of discipline inclines a person to actions that lead both to poorness and obesity. Yep, Monsanto is guilty. All that cheap food making poor people so fat.

    • Queen Alice

      actually, cheap food does lead to obesity. The healthy stuff is too expensive for most people.

      • BillClintonsShorts17

        Baloney, Alice. (an ‘expression’ only. I don’t recommend eating the stuff)

        The healthy stuff is actually much cheaper. Beans, rice, fruit and vegetables. Stay away from the soda pop and ding dongs.

  • cahoch

    Disappointing. Dropping Patheos from my reading list.

  • BillClintonsShorts17

    Another thing. That opening headline would only be remotely accurate if we understood Obama to BE Jesus. But then, so many of you Progs do……