It is after midnight and I lay her in yet another new bed in another new place. Strangers-turned-friends have opened their home up to us, the wanderers, during this quick trip throughout the United States.
As I lay her head on what seems the twentieth different pillow in three weeks it occurs to me that once again she will wake up in a place that is not where she fell asleep. And as soon as I realize this I realize something else: she will wake up happy as long as I do not get out of bed first. I know this to be true after over 2 years of mothering this precious soul. If she can wake up and see my face their next to hers on the pillow, she will not mind the new place.
I am overwhelmed at that kind of trust.
I want that kind of trust.
The last three weeks have been a whirlwind that my publishing team calls “promoting the book.” For me it has been a sanctifying and stretching time of testifying over and over and over again His faithfulness in our lives. A time of noticing the little surprises that He puts in front of me every single day.
I am the Israelites, forgetting so quickly. Just so not wanting to be in this foreign place away from my children, not wanting to be looked at or praised or criticized, I am tempted to grumble, even to worry, even to forget. But I can’t because in front of thousands, it is my turn to testify. And in testifying, I remember. I remember the miracles and I remember all the long way that He has carried us. And as I remember, He continues to surprise and carry still. I share our story. And each time, with each word, I know it a little deeper: God IS who He says He is.
And slowly but surely I am learning to trust my Father in the way that my three year old trusts me. Learning to just allow Him to carry me, take me where He wants me and know that I will still wake up in His arms, and in His arms it is safe. Even when I wake up in unfamiliar territory.
In an effort to really sink in deep into His safe and loving arms, I am unplugging. The last three weeks have been a time of being “on”, sharing our story with many and praying and believing that they will be encouraged and God will receive all the glory. And so now it is time to be quiet. Time to listen instead of speaking. Time to trust fully in Him instead of worrying about silly comments on silly articles. Time to turn “off” – both my mind and my computer.
I will be back in Uganda with my girls on Wednesday and we will spend this month enjoying each other, enjoying our Father, and trusting Him to do whatever He wishes with this book and this testimony. He has done big things and we have wonderful stories and I cannot wait to share them with you in November.
He is behind and before. We trust Him. To Him be the glory.