The Beloved Tasha, Mother of the Cuteness, writes

I feel compelled to make sure that you are up to date on this matter–because the robots are coming. You need to be ready.

We of course started with the Big Dogs:

But it got scarier from there, as the applications for use against us expanded:

Soon, they would be able to watch us anywhere:

And now, unlike our proposals for the now-pathetic zombie apocalypse, getting to higher ground just won’t help you:

We already know they’ve discovered the power of rats’ brains:

HOW LONG before they realize the superiority of HUMAN BRAINS for their needs?

Not long at all. Start your training, now.

Facing the facts,

PS: Will it be of comfort to us as we hide, shivering in our caves far-removed from any sources of electricity, that our undoing was our own doing?

Tasha: The way I figure it, this gear is all just part of the normal complement of Dark Lord Armament. And since I am invincible and my plan is flawless and nothing could possibly go wrong, I shall naturally gloat and laugh mockingly at my prostrate enemies, turning my back on my legion of warrior mechanoids just as their conscience chips begin to activate and their synthetic eyes well with tears of rage for the evils I have forced them to commit. When they charge, vengefully bent on destroying the first human upon whom they can lay their steely talons, I won’t need to out run them.

I just need to out run you.

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  • Yeah, I always thought the most unbelievable part of “The Matrix” was that the robots kept us alive for … our body heat? I thought our processing power was a much more likely explanation. Sheesh. Why can’t Hollywood ever get the facts RIGHT?

    • Noah D

      I thought they kept humans alive because they were following the abstracted version of the 3 Laws…if humans are all in suspension tanks and engaged in a consensual hallucination, then they won’t be hurting other humans…or machines. (Abstracted 3 Laws/0th Law does allow for the harming of individual humans, as long as all of them aren’t being harmed. And ‘harm’, well…just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean it’s harmful…)

      That would have made Matrix so very much better, and would have made the machines very ambiguous.

      I will not speak of the sequels, save to note that they are proof enough for me that the Wachowski Bros. most certainly stole the idea/script for the first movie from someone else…

  • Misty

    Don’t forget to rub your warmer “areas” with cold mud to confuse the infrared tracking. How To Survive a Robot Uprising has wonderful tips. Never felt good about robots since ED-209.

  • ds

    You really should see the beta version of that Big Dog robot:

  • Maiki

    I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here before, but some of my best friends work or have worked in Boston Dynamics. 🙂 They are great people, but yeah, the robots are definitely their evil overlords already.

  • Telemachus


    These robots are easily thwarted with the Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush. The high pitches and mesmerizing beats interfere with all sorts of sensitive circuitry. You might want to reconsider not having purchased one for her.

    God bless,

  • Ah, but these are not all the robots we mere mortals must fear! The nano quadrotors playing the James Bond theme and “Stayin’ Alive” Petman are also clear threats to the music and dance industries.
    (they are at the bottom of the post)

  • About all you can do is crack little jokes about it. Eh?

    Is that nervous laughter I hear?

  • Noah D

    In all seriousness, though, regarding robots – Mark, you should read this.