I Loves Me Some North Korean Journalism

Reportage of this comedic calibre is rare on planet earth (from the NoKo propaganda organ called, I believe, Rodong):

Scrambles for Power

There is presidential election in the United States in the coming November. The two candidates, one from the Democratic Party and the other from the Republican Party, have made a grab at each other.

While they are engaged in a hard scramble, finding fault with each other’s home and foreign policies and energy issues, something extraordinary happened to Romney’s pet dog.

The story goes back to 1983.

The Romney’s were on their journey by car, having their pet dog in a basket for some 12 hours. On the way the dog was found suffering from loose vowels. Romney got off the car at an oil station and hosed down the dog to wash it.

This, however, caused an immediate rebuff from the pet lovers. They blamed him for cruelty to pet. An organization named “Pets against Romney” was formed and there was a demonstration in New York against his cruelty on the pet.

A little later Mrs. Romney appeared on TV. Excusing her family, she said: “The dog looked gay then.” This added fuel to the pet lovers’ anger.

Losing no chance, Obama tried to create an image contrary to that of Romney. He posted in the internet a picture showing him getting in a car together with his pet dog. Below the picture was an illustration reading, “the master who loves his pet behaves like this.”

Having come this far, the Republican Party on its part brought out one of Obama’s past stories. The story told that while in Indonesia in his childhood Obama was glad to eat canine meat. People felt a chill sweeping over them, said the story.

Stories of this kind are spreading far and wide. This is the real look of the United States before the presidential election.

Delightful! In celebration of this mastery of the mother tongue, permit me to point my new readers to one of the finest works of literature in the world, English as She is Spoke.

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  • kenneth

    Even in their clumsy attempt at mythologizing our presidential race, the North Koreans stumbled upon the underlying truth of the “ruling class vs the rest of us” concept. The Dog is the American middle class, and both men would just as soon eat it or lock it in a cage on the roof of the car!

  • Nothing worse than a canine with loose vowels.

    • DTMcCameron

      I forget, is that when yu leve them out or toss them aboute willy-nilly-ee?
      It wounds me, Mr. Shea. The books was a dire prophecy for our times.

    • Ted Seeber

      Must be from Bahstahn.

  • kenneth

    An even more depressing thought occurs to me: This propaganda piece was probably written by some schmo in a government ministry who never even met a native English speaker. He/she probably learned English from a whole lineage of instructors who never set foot out of the country and maybe from recordings of Cold War era Voice of America broadcasts. For all that, they managed to write something which got the point across, if inelegantly. The writing is better than a lot of what I’ve seen from our own undergrads who grew up with English as their native tongue!

    • Linebyline

      Whut R U talkng abut U ^#$&*? I can Written just fine Go @$%^#$ of LOL

      (The preceding was an attempt at satire. You can tell this because I redacted the expletives, and alas not because it was funny.)

  • Kevin

    I was slapping very hard upon the knee by the violences done to my tongues.

    • S. Murphy

      Very nice, Kevin!

  • Gam Samgee

    Though one can quibble with the choice of words used here or there throughout the article, it is simply amazing that this piece captures absolutely perfectly the substance and depth of political discourse presented by all the mainstream American media outlets. Simply Incredible!!

  • 😉 I couldn’t have said it better myself. And for everyone’s general amusement along the lines of the “English as She is Spoke”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN9mP2_1A-c

  • Gary Keith Chesterton

    This is the real look of the United States before the presidential election.

  • Gary Keith Chesterton

    Reminds me of an acquaintance, friend of my wife’s, from Italy, whose English was a bit fractured. Her husband was a research scientist here at NIH in Washington. At a cocktail party thrown by the husband’s boss, this lady was nervously standing on the huge recently-rebuilt deck out back of the house with the other guests, trying to chit-chat with the boss and boss’s wife in her heavy Italian accent. She said “What a beautiful deck you have. It’s so big.” And was mortified by the appalled silence that followed her *very slight* mispronunciation of the fourth word. She can laugh about it now, but…

  • Ted Seeber

    I’m left wondering what the dog was doing after it had it’s loose vowels washed of that made it homosexual.

  • deiseach

    On the other hand, while the mangling of English by a non-native speaker is amusing, how depressing is it that, for the respective candidates in the race for the leadership position of one of the world’s most powerful nations, part of the campaign by their respective sides involved “Your guy was mean to a dog” “Yeah, well your guy was even meaner!” duelling anecdotes?

    Granted, nothing in Western politics (so far) has come anything near to matching the – um, shall we say, eccentricities? – of the Kim dynasty, but it’s not very edifying when you think about it.

    • S. Murphy

      Well, maybe nothing recent. There was Nero, back in the day.

  • Linebyline

    It’s funny. This almost looks like a machine translation. Almost. By way of comparison:

    Harboring them without harbor.

    ) Is it about sex does not matter and b) not useful as well as the GOP to support the conservative Catholic backup ginning to talk radio, it’s because you about it almost as much as I do not hear C) In fact, popular contrary to (and delusions), rounding up to 110,000 people for deporting conservative dogmas. However, not all, just as evil as is the purpose of HHS to violate his own conscience-in Christ is an attempt by forcing Caesar.

    Countries in order to try to keep their papers are welcome. But the Church is an alien, the fatherless and the widow welcomes the demands of bureaucracy that does not have a duty to do so is Trump.

    Created by Using Google to “translate” Mark’s next post into Korean and then back again (with some tweaking beforehand by me because it wouldn’t translate “harborless”).

    By all accounts, I’d say our North Korean friends did much better.